#i've missed once or twice and fucked myself up

[technicoloryuri]

mine never hit me as far as I can remember but my brother definitely did. He would choke and tackle me and I wasn't able to stop him and even when i would scream and cry my parents wouldn't stop him.

What my parents would do punishment-wise tended to be collective. Only punishing my and my brother simultaneously because I had finally screamed loud enough to get their attention.

Finding out other people didn't get hit a bunch growing up is wild. Like never? Not even once?

[surely-sims]

SMALL SIMBLR SATURDAY SHOUTOUTS !!

AKA an excuse for me to yell about how much I love these incredible free CC creators and throw flowers at them.

@lumenniveus - LxN CC 🌹

LxN makes some of the most interesting, whimsical, and creative CC that i think the community at large is so lacking. Every time I load up his CC In my game I find myself smiling and laughing at all the love and little jokes he includes. Please Please Check out his stuff if you haven't already. I think he might be the most tragically slept on BB creators.

▶ Check out LxN Here!

@hamsterbellbelle 🌸

HamsterBelle is one of the most brilliant creators I've come across in this community. Not only is she crazy smart and makes some of the coolest cyberpunk CC I've ever seen, she is also a mind blowing builder and takes the time to write out some incredibly helpful tutorials. I've learned so much from her whether she knows or not haha. 🐹💖

▶ Check out HamsterBellBelle here!

@nolan-sims 🌼

Not only is Nolan a goddamn pillar of this community for many years but she's also an incredible, sweet, and wonderfully talented creator and friend. Her CC is always so well thought through, completely original, and lovingly detailed. We definitely don't deserve her. 😭💗

▶ Check out Nolan here!

BONUS ROUND: 💐

All these creators are amazing and I would carve their names into the stars but ya'll would shoot me if this post kept going and going down your dash that long.

⭐ @gilded-ghosts Amazing amazing vintage CC, thoughtful, beautiful original meshes and textures. ( X ) ⭐ @myshunosun Myshuno deserves all the hype and praise her CC gets. She's an absolutely lovely human and has saved my ass once or twice too. ( X ) ⭐ @dallasgirl79 DallasGirl makes the best heels your sims will ever wear. Hard stop. I will not be taking questions at this time. ( X ) ⭐ @doctorsimcraft A dear friend, an amazing writer, builder and maker of delightful vintage Build/Buy CC too. ( X ) ⭐ @vyxated HOLY FUCK. Vxyated is crazy intelligent. Their work with CAS rooms and now the new Rig Plus Helper is mind blowing. ( X ) ⭐ @adjusted-karma ( X ), @simmireen ( X ), @herecirm-warcry ( X ), @rebouks ( X ), @madebycoffee ( X ) Beautiful people, beautiful poses. Also Ireen runs @ts4-poses which is a goddamn godsend to this community. ⭐ @twentiethcenturysims ( X ), @chere-indolente ( X ) Fantastic Historical CC from two very good eggs. ⭐ @jellymoo ( X ), @laeska ( X ), @xldkx-cc ( X ) Three lovely and fantastically talented CAS creators that put a ton of thought and effort in going the extra mile with their CC and it absolutely shows. ⭐ @awingedllama Anna is smart, skilled, and deserves all the flowers she's gotten this year. We really do love to see it. ( X ) ⭐ @kamiiri Some of the best hairs that have ever graced my game. I am actually obsessed. ( X )

If I missed anyone I apologize, but please know every single free CC creator makes my heart grow a little bigger every day. 💖 And to my fellow Creators, Storytellers, Simmers - Go make weird shit, make something that makes you laugh, make something that brings you joy. Cause y'know what? That joy bleeds into your work and we can all see it and feel it. That joy is infectious and special and THAT is what makes this community worth being a part of.

xo, Anne 🦐

[ems1892]

Noises from Billies room….

a/n- this is a chapter from my wattpad book it is mine and I did not steal it! First story on here kinda nervous but wtv hope u like it lyyy!

Contains- sub!billie x dom!reader, smut, fluff, use of mommy, (only twice tho) fingering, scissoring, masturbation, thigh riding, groping, (lmk if I missed something)

2158 words

Y/n pov

It was just a normal Saturday evening me and my roommate and best friend Billie both had the day off. I decided to text her even though she's just down the hall.

Y/n

Hey you wanna cook dinner together since we've both been in bed all day?

Billie 

Yeah sure, now that I think about it I haven't even seen you today 😭

Y/n

I was thinking the same girl we need to get up off our asses fr

Billie 

So when do you wanna make dinner? It's like 6:00 already 

Y/n 

Uhhh we can start it now ig I'll be down in a few mins

Billie

Alrrr I'll be down gimme a sec

Y/n pov

I didn't really care how I looked around billie because we've been friends since we were 14 and been there for eachother during our worst parts of our life's. I lost all my friends when I came out as gay when I was 15 billie was the only one that stayed though. She was the reason I realised I was gay she doesn't know that though. She also likes women and men which means I have sort of a chance but she's way out of my league and I don't have the guts to admit my feelings. 

I quickly tied my hair up messily and just wore the same thing I wore to bed a tank to and sleep shorts. Once I tied up my hair I walked out my room.

Billies pov

I always get so nervous around y/n I have a huge crush on her but I don't wanna fall in love again or confess my feelings. Last time I fell in love I got my heart broken so now I'm scared. I've always had a crush on y/n but I got with this guy to distract myself but I ended up falling in love with him. She comforted me when we broke up she never left my side. I came out as bi to her a few years back and most people know I'm bi. When she came out as gay she lost all her friends so I stuck with her. I've had a crush on her since I was 14 and I'm 17 now but I think I always had a crush on her I was just too stupid to realise.

I put on a hoodie and tied up my hair I was wearing sweatpants and a tank top under my hoodie I opened the door to my room and saw y/n walking down the hall at the same time. My jaw nearly dropped when I saw her outfit her small sleep shorts were hugging her ass so well and her tank top oh my god her tank top, her boobs were spilling out the front of it. I stood there dazed. "You okay bils?" She asked. I finally snapped out of my trance. "O-Oh yeah I'm good" I replied shakily trying to keep my composure.

Y/n pov

As I was walking down the hall Billie opened her door at the same time I turned and smiled at her but she was frozen. I was confused and concerned "you okay bils?" I asked. It was like she snapped out of some trance. "O-Oh yeah I'm good" she stuttered out. What's up with her I wondered

"Let's start shall we. what we making?" I asked her. I caught her staring at my tits. nothing new I thought. "Billie are you gonna answer my question or keep staring and my boobs" I chuckled. her face immediately went red and she looked down "O-oh sor-sorry what was your q-question." She asked clearing her throat. "I asked what we're making" "ummm how about pasta?" She answered. "Sure!" I replied. 

we made the pasta and while making it she kept getting distracted. she was stuck in her thoughts. We were sitting at the counter eating our pasta. "Hey bils you okay you seemed distracted while making the pasta" I asked her casually "oh I-I'm just tired I'm fine" "okay bils" I replied rubbing her hand 

Billies pov 

Holy fucking shit I'm so fucking wet. I can't stop looking at her. She's so pretty and her body is perfect. She caught me staring at her boobs and it was so embarrassing but could you blame me? God she's so hot. "Hey bils you okay you seemed distracted while making the pasta" 

Shit.

Yea I'm distracted cuz I want you to bend me ov-  stop billie she's your best  friend. I scolded myself for my thoughts

"oh I-I'm just tired I'm fine" I stuttered out. Fuck why am I stuttering so much I'm so pathetic."Okay bils" she replied rubbing her hand over mine. Fuck she's so caring. when she rubbed my hand it was like fireworks were going off inside me. I clenched my thighs even harder together.

We finished our pasta and started cleaning up. "Okay I think that's everything cleaned up" she said tiredly "I'm gonna head to bed now" she said "okay me too" I answered a bit quickly "night bils" "night baby" I let the pet name slip. fuck. She took no notice of it and went to her bedroom 

Y/n pov

Ok so Billie just called me baby holy fucking shit. I pretended not to care but oh my god. Get yourself together y/n she's you best friend. I thought to myself. I didn't think about it much more I just went straight to sleep.

Billies Pov

As soon as I got in my room I took off my jumper and sweatpantsI wasn't wearing any underwear so I was quite literally dripping down my legs. I sat on my bed with my legs spread I started slowly rubbing circles on my clit. I whimpered wishing it was her hands. What am I doing this is so wrong I thought to myself. I put back on my sweatpants and tried to distract myself

I really did try to distract my self I really did. I scrolled on TikTok I played games on my xbox but I kept getting more and more wet because I kept thinking about y/n. "Oh fuck it" I whispered to myself. I wasn't sleeping anytime soon if I didn't get off. 

I pulled down my sweatpants once again  sighing in relief as my fingers started slowly tracing circles on my clit. I'm sure she was alseep by now so I didn't have to be too quiet because she's a deep sleeper. I closed my eyes imagining it was y/n doing this to me. "Mmm fuck baby" I whimpered. I kept tracing circles around my clit until I pushed two fingers in my hole. "Uhh fuck y/n" I moaned pretty loudly. I pumped my fingers in and out of my heat while my thumb circled my clit. I felt the knot forming in my stomach. "Fuck y/n I'm so close" "fuck don't stop mommy" I kept pumping my fingers in and out of my heat whimpering until I hear my door open. I freeze. Shit.

Y/n pov

I wake up suddenly really thirsty. I sigh and look at the time 2:00am I groan. I get out of bed quietly trying not to wake Billie if she was asleep. I walked down the hall hearing strange noise from billies room. she must be playing Xbox or something I thought. I entered the kitchen and just as i was about to reach for a glass I froze. I heard billie whimpering and moaning "Fuck y/n I'm so close" "fuck don't stop mommy".  I was soaked. 

I nearly sprinted to her bedroom door busting it open. She froze. I also froze my mouth open at the sight of her fingers in her tight cunt. She tried covering herself but it was too late I already saw everything. "What were you doing bils" I asked coming closer and whispering in her ear. She whined. "n-n-nothing" she replied breathing heavy. I could tell her fingers were still inside her as her hand was under the blanket near her pussy. "I heard everything sweet girl theres no point in lying tell me want you want and I'll give it to you" I whispered in her ear once again. Teasing her. She whined again. I saw her hand slightly moving under the blanket "Are you still touching yourself under the blanket billie?" I teased. Her hand stilled. "I didn't say stop my sweet girl." After hearing that she continued her actions "can I take this off you" I said pointing at the blanket. She nodded. "Words baby" "y-yes". I took off the blanket. "Good girl" "being so good for mommy" she whined again at my words. "You like when I call you a good girl huh?""Mmm y-yes" she said moaning. Her breathing started to pick up so I knew she was getting closer. I grabbed her wrist and pulled out her fingers. "Why I was so close" " shh baby it's okay" I said kissing her.

 I pulled away from the kiss and started to take off my tank top. I took off my sleep shorts too. I wasn't wearing underwear or a bra so I was completely naked infront of Billie. Billie groaned at the sight. "Holy fuck, so pretty"she whispered. "Thank you baby. can I take this off?"I asked tugging at her tank top. I could see her already hard nipples through it "yes you can take it off" she answered. I took shirt off and her boobs spilled out. I stared at her plump boobs. "Fuck" I whispered under my breath. She was more gorgeous than I dreamed about.

 I got on top of her pushing her down onto her back. I started sucking on her left nipple while groping her right boob. "Mmm fuck" billie moaned out. I hummed against her skin. I then switched doing the same thing to the other nipple while groping her left boob. I left love bites all over her boobs. "Mmm fuck baby" she groaned bucking her hips subconsciously. I held her hips down "be patient baby" I left hickeys all over her neck slowly kissing up to her lips. I kissed her and the kiss got heated quickly. I bit her bottom lip and she moaned as I slipped my tongue in her mouth. We made out for a little while longer until I flipped us so she was on top. 

"Ride my thigh sweet girl" she blushed at the idea but rocked her hips back and forth. She started moaning louder and louder I knew she was close "cmon baby I know you can do it" I said while groping her boob and stroking her hair. With one last rock of her hips she reached her high. I held her hips rocking her back and forth while she rode out her orgasm. She collapsed onto me trying to catch her breathe 

i stroked her hair letting her catch her breath "I've always dreamed of doing this" she spoke quietly. "Me too" I admitted "I've been in love with you since we were 14" I confessed. She pulled her head up from my shoulder "really?" She asked "yeah sorry it's a bit creepy I know" I said giggling "no it's not baby I've been in love with you since 14 too maybe longer you always caught my eye before we were even friends" I hugged her tight inhaling her scent "billie?" "Yeah?" "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" She shot her head up "really? Omg yes Ofc yes" I kissed her with so much love 

"can I try something bils." I asked pulling away from the kiss "sure" I took her off my lap and facing her interlinking our legs so that our centres would touch. we both groaned at the new sensation. I started grinding against her core while she did the same. It didn't take us long to get close again. "Are you close" I breathed "yeah" she replied in a breathy moan. "Cmon let go sweet girl I'm right here with you" I stroked her cheek kissing her softly. With one last push we both came "fuck" I whispered. We both rode out our highs. We layed back down cuddling and catching our breath. "Okay cmon let's shower" I said "okay" she said sleep catching up to her 

 we both made our way to the bathroom we both got in the shower and washed eachothers bodies and hair. We stepped out the shower drying off and heading back to billies room we changed into clothes and changed the sheets. "We gotta go on a date soon" I say "definitely" she replies "billie can I put on some of your perfume I like the smell it reminds me of you" "of course come here" she said spraying her perfume on the large shirt I stole from her "can we sleep now I'm tired" "Ofc bils" we get in bed and cuddle into eachother for warmth. Billie is cuddling into my chest as I hear her breathing slow and we both fall asleep

[riordanness]

change - [r.heffley]

1.6K wordcount

warnings: none

requested: no

I never would have guessed that the same day I lost my only friends would be the day I met my new one.

Heather Hills and I had been best friends since second grade. In fifth, Gracie Miller had made our duo a trio, and ever since then we'd been right as anything. Doing everything together, constantly hanging out and sleeping over at each others houses, planning birthday parties together and giggling over boys together.

But this year? Something was different. Heather and Gracie were acting strange. Like, I'd walk up to them while they were talking and they'd get all quiet, real fast. I'd catch them hanging out without me, finding out via social media.

I was trying to ignore the signs, acting as if everything was as it had always been. But I couldn't anymore.

At lunch earlier today, I'd suggested a visit to the mall after school. We hadn't hung out in a while, and I was missing my girls. Sure, we hung out at school everyday, but all the desks were two seater only. I'll leave it to your imagination who was the odd one out.

Besides, I was in desperate need for clothes. My mother had died when I was just a baby, and my dad was always struggling to make ends meet. I had recently grown out of basically all my clothing, so I'd been saving up every scrap of money I could, working odd jobs for all our neighbours, and finally had enough to go on a little shopping trip.

Heather wrinkled her nose. "I have a dentist appointment, and I'm too tired for the mall today."

I nodded. "That's fair. Get a good night's sleep, tonight, yeah?"

She gave me a tight-lipped smile. "Mhm."

I looked at Gracie. "What about you, Cee?"

She hesitated, glanced at Heather, then shook her head. "I- I have a lot of homework I need to catch up on. Sorry."

I smiled. "No worries. We'll find a time to go."

School had finished twenty minutes ago. I'd said goodbye to the girls at the gate, waved as they climbed into Heather's mum's car (Gracie always got a ride home with them as they lived basically next door to each other) and started the fifteen minute walk to the local mall.

Inside, however, I was met with a nasty surprise. Standing together at the smoothie bar, Heather and Gracie were giggling about something, drinks in hand.

I suddenly felt like I had no air. A lump grew in my throat, and I had to fight to not cry. I turn, and storm back outside. I collapse on a park bench a few hundred meters away, in a little sidewalk park.

Hot, angry, betrayed tears fill my eyes, and I don't stop them this time. I feel so stupid, so angry, so hurt. I should've known. I should have seen the signs, not ignored them like I'd tried to. They didn't want me around anymore. They didn't need me.

I don't know how long I stay there, crying, and silently screaming at myself.

Suddenly, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I glance up, startled, and hastily brush at my tears. My glasses have fogged up, a few tears staring the lenses. I pull a tissue from my backpack, and quickly wipe them clean.

"Are you alright?"

I glance again at the person. It's a boy, probably my age, with messy brown hair and pretty eyes. He wears a black tshirt with the words 'fuck the patriarchy' on it, with a blue and black flannel over the top. He has black converse, like me, and denim jeans, also like me.

"H-hi," I manage, my voice scratchy from crying. "Can I help you?"

The boy frowns in concern. "You were crying." He says it like a statement, not a question. Not like he's asking why I was crying, but rather just wondering if I was okay.

"I'm fine." I blink away the fresh tears threatening to rise. I won't cry in front of this cute guy again. Once is embarrassing enough. Twice would be unbearable.

"Okay," the boy says, in a voice that implies he doesn't even kind of believe me. "Want some company? You planning on going shopping?"

I frown slightly. "Uh, yeah. I need new clothes. I've been saving up."

The boy tilts his head. "What size are you?"

My eyes widen in surprise, but before I can speak he yelps a little, holding his hands up in surrender.

"I mean- No! I didn't mean it like that. It's just- I just- I have a lot of spare things I don't wear anymore and well, you look like you might fit them. No use using your savings if you don't have to."

I consider this. Usually I don't like charity much, it makes me feel like a desperately poor person, when I'm not poor, just short on cash. But this boy seems really genuine, and I like his style, so maybe the offer of old clothes is a good one to accept.

"Sure, I'd love that," I say. "I'm Y/n." I stand, holding out my hand to shake.

He smiles, and my day gets just a little brighter. "It's lovely to meet you, Y/n. Now c'mon. I'll drive you to my place."

I follow him to the carpark, and he opens the shotgun door of a white van, marked with "Löded Diper" on the side.

"Should I be worried about getting into a white van belonging to a total stranger?" I ask teasingly.

The boy laughs. "Nah, you're good. The only people I'm kidnapping with this van are my little dork brother and his friend."

I laugh, climb into the van, and let him shut the door. When he slides into the drivers seat, I look over at him.

"You know, I still don't know your name."

He looks at me with a mischievous glint in his eye. "Would you believe me if I told you my name was Sir Lancelot Broccoli Vladimir the First?"

I pretend to consider it. "Hmmm, no, not really."

I look at him, and for a whole second we hold the serious act. Then we explode to a fit of laughter.

"No, but really," I manage, striving for composure. "What is your name?"

"Rodrick," he says. "Rodrick Heffley."

"Well it's lovely to meet you, Rodrick Heffley."

He grins. "Okay, Y/n Whatever-Your-Last-Name-Is, ready for a dangerous drive back to my place?"

I raise an eyebrow. "Why not?"

In hindsight, I would've preferred walking there, but Rodrick, and his eyes and his smile and his laugh, they made the almost terrifying experience of his driving kinda worth it.

His house was simple and white, the yard pretty but plain. It looked like a totally normal home.

Rodrick opens the front door for me, holding it open as he smiles down at me. I return it as I duck under his arm, and step into the hallway.

A women steps into the hall, a small boy in her arms. She's pretty, with glasses and shiny brown hair. she sees me and smiles in pleasant surprise.

"Oh, hello there." She steps over and hold her hand out. "I'm Susan. It's lovely to meet you."

As I shake her hand, she glances at Rodrick, a thousand questions in her eyes.

"She's a friend," Rodrick says. "Don't make it weird, Mum."

She smiles. "Oh no no, I won't, honey, I promise."

"Come on, Y/n," Rodrick says, and grabs my hand, steering me away from his mother.

We climb the stairs, passing an adorable dog (who wanted pats that I'd gladly given) and a younger brother, who doesn't give us a second glance.

Upstairs, we enter Rodrick's room. It's surprisingly tidy for a teenage boy's. He has a drum kit, a lot of rock band posters and magazines, and a few piles of clothes and school supplies.

"You play?" I ask, gesturing at the drums.

Rodrick smiles shyly, his gaze sliding to meet mine. "Uh, yeah. I'm in a band."

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? That's sick, man. I wish I could play the drums. But I've never had the money to get my own kit or anything."

"I could... teach you if you'd like?"

At his suggestion, I hesitate. "I couldn't pay you..."

Rodrick gives me a look. "As if I'd charge you, love."

I flush, and look away.

"Okay..." Rodrick gets all embarrassed, turns in a circle, then digs through his closet for a moment. He pulls out a small tub of neatly folded clothes (I suspect his mother folded them for him), and places it on his bed.

"Here ya are, Y/n/n."

"Y/n/n?" I ask with a small laugh. "That's a new one."

"Is it?" he asks curiously. "So I'm the only one to ever call you that?"

I nod. "Yep, pretty sure."

"Good." He smiles. It's contagious, so I smile right back at him.

"Now," he says, pushing the box towards me. "Take whatever you like."

It's filled with mostly tshirts and hoodies and sweaters, which is perfect, as I have basically no need for new jeans at the moment.

I pull one of the hoodies on, a maroon one with the words "you and i got lost in it" in small, simple writing down one sleeve. It's almost a perfect fit, just a little bit big in all the right place.

"Are all the clothes in this box the same size?" I ask, and Rodrick nods, but he can't tear his eyes away from me.

"What is it?" I laugh.

"N-nothing," he stammers, his cheeks tinting pick and his voice going higher. I bite back an amused smile, and just give him a little meaningful look.

"It's just..." he sighs. "You just look really damn pretty in my clothes."

I instantly get flustered, but can't help my smile. This afternoon might have started pretty awfully, but I could tell it was going to be an amazing night.

[marchtomydrums]

Wildcard 19

The next day you got ready to meet with Olivia. Your anxiety was on high alert after not seeing the brunette for so long. Walking into the diner you see Olivia already seated waiting patiently for you. You smiled at the waitress as she follows you to the table.

“Hey, Liv.”

The brunette looks up at you and smiles. “Hey.”

Once you were seated the waitress asked for your order and drinks. You gsve her a small smile as you thankes her.

“Thanks for meeting me.” you smiled looking at Olivia.

“Of course. I didn't think you'd ever text me back,” she says.

You give her a small smile. Alex was right Olivia doesn't look like herself. She's paler than usual, the dark circles under her eyes are darker. Her mannerisms and personality are off as well. She didn't look anything like the Olivia you once knew.

“Liv. Are you okay?” you asked hesitantly.

“I'm alright. You?”

“I'm okay. But you don't look so good Liv. “

“Well, that's what happens when you get dumped. Not once but twice within the same week I might add,” she says in a bitter tone.

“Liv. You know Alex didn't dump you. You pushed her away. And as for me, I told you I needed space. “

“Yes, I know. But hey it was only a matter of time, right? Everyone leaves me eventually. “

“That's not true and you know it! I'm all for checking up on you Liv and talking but I won't listen to this woo is me bullshit. You're better than this.”

The brunette chuckled “So now you care about me?”

“I've always cared about you.”

“Did Alex call you?”

“I don't see how that matters?”

“She did, didn't she?”

You remained quiet a little worried to tell her the truth.

“I swear when I see her...”

“You’ll what? Scream at her? Hit her? What Liv? What will you do? She was worried about you. She had no other choice.”

“She's not worried she's just using it as an excuse to see you.”

“So you aren't drinking every night?” you questioned catching her off guard. She opens her mouth to speak before you cut her off once more.

“You aren't missing work? You aren't destroying the apartment in fits of rage? You aren't passing out all over the apartment for Alex to find you the next day?”

Olivia silently looks out the window as tears prick her eyes.

“Answer me, Olivia.”

Again she's quiet. You sighed reaching your hand across the table to grab hers.

“Olivia even though we aren't together right now that doesn't mean I don't love you. It doesn't mean I want to watch you dive off the deep end. I don’t want to watch you turn into…”

“ My mother.” She whispered.

“Yes. Please Olivia don’t be mad at Alex okay she’s just sacred. We both are.”

Olivia nods as she wipes her tears.

“I don’t want to be like her. I just…feel so lost.”

“I know. I do as well.”

You smiled as the waitress comes by dropping off your drinks and meals thanking her as she walks off.

“Soo… how’s it been staying with Delana and Casey?”

“It’s good. They’ve been really nice about it.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

“And your job?”

“Well they finally got back to me and told me I was free to come back to work. Once the investigation started they realized that myself and April as well as some other teachers went to Cliff about Ian. They fired Cliff, and as of right now I am the head principal.”

“That’s amazing y/n. I mean obviously, I wish it were under better terms but I’m happy that they didn’t try to pin this on you. And I know Cliff is an ass.”

You chuckled “Yes he is. But thank you. I’m glad it all worked out as well. But I wish I did more to help Ian.”

“I know. But you did what you could.”

“Yeah.” You sighed giving her a small smile.

“Listen y/n I know I that fucked up okay. I know I wasn’t there for you like I needed to be and I’m sorry. Please what do I have to do to make this right? These last two months have been the darkest and saddest months of my life. I love you so much and I can’t live without you.”

You sighed you knew this was coming.

“Liv. You know I love you. I will always love you. But I need a break from all of this. And you need to focus on yourself right now. Your health is more important.”

“So this is it? Were just over?”

“I don’t know. I hope not. “

“Me either.” She whispers.

“Liv I need you to focus on yourself for awhile. I don’t want you to lose yourself because of this. I love you and I always will but right now I think it’s best to take a break. Find ourselves and then maybe once we come back to each other it will be better.”

“I don’t want anyone else.”

“I know. I don’t either.”

Olivia sighs “I’ll give you space. And I promise I will go to some meetings and get this drinking under control.”

“Good.” you smiled.

“I'm happy you came here today. I miss seeing you.”

“I miss you too Liv.”

She smiles as she cuts into her omelet. You breathed deeply causing her to look up.

“Olivia, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” She says dropping her fork and knife to give you her full attention.

“If you had to pick between Alex and I which would you choose?”

Olivia breathed deeply “ Honey it was never a question who I would pick. I love y/n.”

“I know but you love her too.”

“It’s different. I…I love Alex yes but it’s not how I love you. It never was.”

“But you will always love her?”

Olivia sighs “yes I will always love her. Just like I will always love you.”

You nodded hearing everything you needed to.

“I promise you I will get better.” Olivia says.

You smiled “I know. But get better for yourself not anyone else.”

“I will.” She says smiling as she finishes off her food.

[the-entity-down-the-street]

Witchcraft update!

Kinda long so under the cut

I've been mostly focusing on reblogging political stuff to this blog but I still want to share my journey with my craft. Loki has reached out, very loudly. In a way, this has been a long time coming. We have a very long history together, rocky as it's been:

He and Aphrodite were the first Gods I reached out to. I had developed an interest in Loki between my obsession with viking vampire Eric Northman and Marvel, which led me to the actual Norse mythology. I also made it clear I knew he was different from his Marvel counterpart, just to assure him I was taking this seriously. However, after several loud hints (slipping and falling flat on my ass in the rain just before work, breaking a plate on my shift, even losing half of a cookie to my tea the night I contacted him) I got the feeling he didn't want me. I was sad at first, but respected his wish and moved on to other Gods.

Then I got my tubes tied. I came out as trans. I was hospitalized and finally put on medication after years of being afraid of it. Then, I got my name changed just two months before my top surgery. I was on my way home from my court hearing, and I thought of Loki. "Love Again" by Dua Lipa came on instantly. That was what made me realize he didn't reject me because we weren't meant to work together, but because I wasn't myself yet. Things didn't progress between us then, but still, I knew he was there.

More things changed. I got into a relationship, and opened myself to polyamory. Moved to MD to be with my now spouse. Started a soul-bearing memoir about suicidal ideation. And, finally, got into pop culture paganism, reaching out to my beloved goblin King. That was when I really started to feel like I was on the right path.

It was around this time last year that Loki finally announced himself, for real. I started having dreams about him, and guess what? It was the Marvel version I saw. A couple of my pagan friends who work with Loki say he appears to them in that form too. He was basically telling me not only was I on the right path, but I was being led back to the place I started, with him, except this time without the shame around pop culture deities. He knew I needed my goblin first, because that was the step I needed to take to unshackle myself from giving a fuck what others think. That doesn't mean Loki LIKES Marak, in fact they fucking hate each other, but they both do their best to stay civil.

Loki literally does not give a fuck which way I envision him, or if I engage with him via Marvel content or mythological content. He knows I love him either way, because basically everyone I've ever fallen in love with has had a streak of Lokean chaos. Including the goblin.

His presence started to get really loud. Here are a few signs he sent:

1. A spider moved into a geode we have in our living room right as we started talking again. Felt like I was living in a Ghibli film.

2. A dream where we were having sex while "Good Luck, Babe" by Chappell Roan played in the background. GOOD LUCK, BABE. "You're nothing more than his (the goblin king's) wife." Subtle as an eight-legged horse.

3. My spouse's missing Del Toro tarot deck showed up, after missing for MONTHS, right around the time I was looking for a way to talk to Loki properly. My spouse hadn't had much luck with it because the guidebook was obtuse as all hell, and they actually had to use a cheat sheet from another deck to supplement. No wonder Loki wanted me to use it instead.

4. Found a rune set in my favorite knickknack shop when I'd never seen one there before.

5. So I've been trying to lucid dream for like, over a year, to see my goblin. Loki not once, but twice sabotaged these efforts by sliding into my DMs instead. First time in his natural redhead state, the second time as the Marvel version. He knows I'll have him both ways.

TL;DR Loki said "no, no, no, come back when you're the unapologetic little freak I know you're meant to be. There you are! Now pay attention to me :3"

[causeilikelix]

During the Rainstorm - Chapter Nine

↳ Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x Yoon Seol (OC)

↳ Genre: Romance, comedy, smut (eventual), slow burn, enemies (idiots) to lovers, non!idol au, angst

↳ Series warnings: See Chapter One

↳ Chapter Warnings:

Pure smut. Overall very vanilla stuff but the warnings are as follows: oral (m & f receiving), face fucking, unprotected sex (be better), p in v sex, brief spit kink, sir kink, dirty talk, creampie, multiple orgasms. This chapter is 100% sex and no plot whatsoever. That's about it but let me know if there's anything else I missed. I've only read it about 359083420 times myself.

↳ Read on my A03: Here

↳ Masterlist & Summery: Here

↳ Notes: No plot whatsoever. Please enjoy. Minors DNI please please.

<- Chapter Eight - Chapter Ten ->

HYUNJIN KISSED HER slowly, as if they had all the time in the world.  He kissed her as if neither of them had an end goal in sight.  His lips slotted against hers like they belonged there.  The angle didn’t seem to bother him.  With him settled on his knees in front of her and her sitting with her back against the bathtub, it wasn’t the most ideal position.  It didn’t stop Seol from wrapping her arms around his neck to draw him closer. 

Both of his hands were on her.  Hyunjin gripped her shoulder, one bare and one clothed, his fingertips digging into her skin wherever he could.  He pushed one hand under the other shoulder of her dress to push it down.  It made the neckline of the dress strain a little but Seol didn’t care as long as Hyunjin kept his warm hands on her. 

His tongue dipped into her mouth skillfully, mixing their saliva in her mouth for her to swallow.  Every brush of his tongue against hers sent a gush of warmth into her panties.  Their tongues worked together in tandem, drinking each other in.  At a particularly harsh swipe of Hyunjin’s tongue, Seol let out a soft moan into his mouth.  At this, something in Hyunjin snapped.  

Hyunjin moaned into her mouth before pulling away entirely.  Seol reached for him but he had other plans in mind.  His hands slid down her body to her waist and he lifted her up as if she weighed nothing at all.  Together, they clumsily rose to their feet but the second they were standing, Hyunjin pressed his lips to hers again.  He turned them around as nimbly as he could.  Seol gasped when the cold edge of the sinktop collided with her lower back.  

His hands then trailed from her waist, down her back and over her ass to her thighs.  His large hands gripped the back of her thighs and hoisted her onto the sink.  The kiss broke and she squealed and held onto him as he maneuvered her.  Hyunjin pushed her knees apart and settled between her legs.  Seol gripped his slim hips to pull him closer.  He placed hot, open-mouthed kisses on her neck, searching for the spot that would make her putty in his hands. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Hyunjin whispered against her skin.  His hands ran up and down her thighs, pushing her dress up in the process.  He fiddled with the hem of her dress.  “This dress looks absolutely perfect on you, but… can I take it off now?”

“Yes.” 

Hyunjin pulled away from her just enough to see her face.  One of his hands moved up to  her waist and tugged at the fabric that was tied into a bow.  He tugged once, twice, three times before the knot gave way and the velvet fell to her sides.  Then he curled his hand around her waist until he found the zipper in the middle of her back.  His fingers traced up the length of the zipper and a shiver ripped down her spine.  Her back arched into him, pressing her breasts against his chest. 

As slowly as possible, Hyunjin slowly pulled the tab of the zipper down, angling his hand just right so his knuckle could trace her spine along the way.  Another shiver.  Hyunjin smirked slightly at the reactions he was drawing from her. 

Once the zipper was down, Hyunjin gripped the shoulders of her dress and pulled them down her arms.  He sucked in a breath as the red lace lingerie bra was revealed to him.  His eyes traced the curve of her breasts that were pushing out of the bra, shortly followed by his fingertips.  They brushed over her skin and traced the edge of the fabric.  His thumb caressed a freckle on one of her breasts.  He gently cupped her breasts in his large hands and kneaded them upwards, causing them to swell even more.  He groaned at the sight and pulled his plush lip between his teeth.

“You are seriously so fucking beautiful, Seol-ah.”  His eyes darted up to hers as he spoke to make sure that she could see his sincerity. 

Hyunjin leaned down to pepper kisses on each swell of her tits, taking turns in giving them equal attention.  Seol leaned back on her arms and arched her back a little in order to give him more room.  She moaned and sighed at his ministrations, which encouraged him to continue.  The arch of her back gave him the perfect angle to slide one hand around to her back and play with the clasp of her bra but he paused before he took it off. 

“Hyunjin-ah?”  Seol questioned, her breath heaving.

“Wait, I want to see if you’re wearing matching underwear, too.”  Hyunjin immediately reached for her skirt and pushed it up until her dress was a velvet ring around her waist.  He put his hands on her knees and pushed them apart.  He looked down and immediately let out a groan so pornographically erotic that Seol was certain her arousal could be seen on her matching red lace panties.  “Fuck, Princess, you’re gonna kill me at this rate!  Just when I thought you couldn’t get any hotter, I find that you’re wearing this?  You make me want to fucking ruin you.”

“Wait… don’t you think I’m forcing you into this?  I don’t want you to feel obligated to do this just because you’re sorry for me or-”  

Hyunjin cut her off by pulling her into a deep kiss.  He coaxed her tongue into his mouth to suck on for a few seconds before he released her.  Gently, he grasped her wrist and led her hand to press against the rock-hard erection swelling in his pants. 

“Does this feel like you’re forcing me into this?”  Hyunjin rasped against her skin.  Pleasure sparked through him just from the soft touch of her hand.  “I want you so badly, Seol-ah.  Like you wouldn’t believe.” 

Seol sucked in a breath at this.  When he looked at her, it was as if he was trying to look into her soul.  She wasn’t sure what he saw in her but she wasn’t about to complain.  This gorgeous man was kissing her, touching her, worshiping her body and she wasn’t about to stop him now.

“Then take me.”  She whispered

Hyunjin’s mouth was on hers again before the last syllable was even out of her mouth.  His large hands found purchase on her hips, his fingers splaying over both her skin and waistband of her panties.  His fingertips pressed deeply, leaving delicious indents where he touched. 

Seol’s hands were also hard at work, pulling his white button up out of his pants and undoing the buttons one by one.  Seol was surprised she could focus on such a task with everything happening to her.  Hyunjin’s tongue down her throat, his hands on her skin, and the sinful noises he was making into her mouth was enough to send anyone to their knees.  Then, enough of his buttons were open and Seol trailed her hands up the expanse of his stomach and chest. 

Seol let out a groan of frustration and pulled away from Hyunjin, who stared at her with wide eyes.  She stared at him as she gripped his shirt and pulled.  The rest of the buttons popped off and flung themselves around the room.  Then Seol’s eyes dipped down to his firm chest and washboard abs.  A flash of arousal and… rage?  Swept up her spine. 

“Hyunjin-ah, you’re telling me that you look like this?” 

 Seol raked her fingertips from his shoulders, over his pecs and sensitive nipples, down over his abs to the waistband of his pants.  Boldly, one of her hands covered his bulge that was firmly straining against the fabric.  She could feel the warmth radiating from it.  Hyunjin groaned at the contact, letting out beautiful noises into her ear as she stroked him through his pants.  She reached for the button and the zipper, but he grabbed her wrist to stop her. 

“I want to taste you first.”  Hyunjin declared. 

No sooner had he spoken, he lifted Seol into the air.  She squealed and wrapped her arms and legs around him.  He carried her out of the bathroom and gently laid her down on the bed, now with crumpled rose petals on the duvet.  

He parted from her only for a moment to shut the curtains before he was back on top of her as if he’d never left.  Seol sensed the raging storm outside, but nothing else seemed to matter aside from the beautiful man above her.  She reveled in his body heat as he pressed against her.  

Once again, his mouth was on hers and his tongue dipped into her mouth.  Their tongues swirled together and Seol wondered if she could go the rest of her life without tasting him.  While their mouths were busy, Hyunjin’s hands snuck down to her legs to part them enough for him to lay between.  His hands crept up her thighs until his thumbs slipped under the fabric of her panties, right at the waist.  He pulled at the fabric and let it snap back against her skin, eliciting a gasp.  

“Take the dress off.  All the way.  Now.”  Hyunjin suddenly knelt back on his heels, leaving Seol looking up at him, bewildered.  She’d forgotten that the dress still hung off her waist.  

Instantly, she sat up and hastily lifted the dress over her head and threw it to the side.  Seol leaned back on her elbows and watched Hyunjin drink her in.  His dark eyes roamed from her face, to her neck, to her chest, down her stomach to the part still hidden by her underwear.  His knees were placed strategically to keep her legs parted so she was spread out under him. 

“Good girl,”  Hyunjin breathed.  A gush of arousal formed in her panties. 

“Touch me.”  A beg fell from her throat and Hyunjin smirked.  

His fingertips trailed from her shoulders down her body as he spoke.

“You want me to touch you?  Here, on just your shoulders?”  Seol shook her head no, he moved lower.  “Your tits?  God, you have the most perfect tits… your stomach, your hips… no?  Then where, baby, I need you to tell me what you want.”  Hyunijn teased. 

“Fuck, please don’t tease.  Just touch me.”  Seol lifted her hips towards him but he moved his hands lower to grip her thighs.

“Good girls use their words to say what they want.”  Hyunjin reminded her with a smirk.

“Please, take my panties off.  Touch me there, touch me please, please- ah!”  Seol begged until one of Hyunjin’s hands slipped between her legs and pressed against her sex over her panties.  

“Here?”

“Yes!  Yes, there.  Please!”  Seol cried.  She wondered briefly where her defiance went, but something about Hyunjin’s sexy dark eyes made her want to do anything for him.  

Hyunjin gripped the waistband of her panties and tugged them off.  He pulled her legs to be perpendicular with his chest until the offending garment was finally off.  Hyunjin tossed the panties somewhere in the room, not caring if he never saw them again because what he was about to see was sure to be the death of him.

His eyes darted downwards as Seol slowly parted her legs for him.  Her cunt bared to the cold air, she shivered.  Or maybe it was because of the smoldering gaze he kept her in.  Either way, the second her legs were parted enough, Hyunjin’s eyes were locked on her glistening pussy.

“Ohh, baby, I’m gonna fuck you all night until you’re cumming your little brains out so hard that you forget everything except my name.”  Hyunjin’s voice dropped an octave and she clenched around nothing.  Hyunjin ran a finger up and down her drenched folds, a smirk rising on his lips and he continued to spew filth from between those gorgeous lips.  “Your pussy is so wet for me, baby.  Do you like when I talk to you like this?  God, I bet your little clit tastes delicious.  Can I try, baby?  Can I taste how you cum for me?”

“Please.  Yes, please, sir.” 

“Good girl.  Tell me if it’s too much, okay?”  Hyunjin helped Seol adjust on the bed so her head was supported by a pillow and so he had enough room to lay between her legs.  As soon as he was face-to-face with her cunt, he let out a low moan.  “Your cunt is even prettier up close.  You smell divine, I wonder if it tastes as good as…”

Hyunjin immediately pressed his tongue between her folds to lick a long stripe from the opening of her cunt to the hood of her clit.  His tongue swirled in wet circles around the bud, drawing beautiful moans from Seol.  

“Fuck, you taste even better than I imagined.  I wanna eat you out all night.”

With that, he dove back in, licking hungry stripes up the expanse of her cunt.  Seol could only moan, gasp, and take it.  Hyunjin’s large hands and broad shoulders assisted him with keeping her legs spread for him.  It gave him enough room to slide his tongue shallowly into her pussy to lap at her inner walls.  At this. Seol gasped and laced her fingers through his luscious black hair to keep her attached to her. Hyunjin moaned and tilted his head back just enough to say something that almost made Seol come untouched.

“I could eat your pussy forever.”  Hyunjin mumbled against her. 

“The real test is if you can actually find my clit.”  Seol panted, “No one’s been able to find it in- ohhh, fuuuck-”

His lips and tongue made their way up to her clit and her legs seized on contact.  When he sucked, Seol had to clamp a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming.  Sparks of pleasure pricked up her torso and down her legs.  Hyunjin smirked against her and focussed his attention on that one spot.  His large hands gripped her thighs to give him the perfect angle.  

He sucked and slurped on her wetness, letting it coat his tongue, lips, and chin.  To him, it was basically the nectar of the gods and he silently hoped that she would let him go down on her again after they were done.  Her moans were music to his ears.  He savored her taste, licking up every drop that she released.  

Hyunjin pulled away to spit on her pussy, watching as his saliva traveled down her folds.  The liquid pooled at her opening and he watched her clench around nothing.  He moved his hand to press the pad of his pointer finger against her swollen, neglected cunt.  She jumped slightly at the contact, but her legs spread a little more as if to entice him to continue.

Luckily, Hyunjin didn’t need any enticing.  He glanced up to watch her face as he pressed his pointer finger into her up to the first knuckle.  She gasped at the contact and threw her head back.

“More,”  Seol breathed.

Hyunjin obliged, pushing more of his finger into her and reveling in the feeling of her pussy clenching on his long digit.  He pushed it in and out of her slowly a few times.  On each reentry, Seol lifted her hips as if to try and get it in deeper.  His wrist ached a little at this angle but as long as she kept releasing those beautiful breathy moans, he could keep this up for months.  

Slowly, his other hand moved up to rest on top of her pelvis.  He moved two fingers to her cunt and pulled up a little just enough to expose her clit to the air.  He rubbed in small circles, going slowly as to not stimulate her all at once. 

“Hyunjin-ah, more!  Please more, I-  Ohhhh, fuck.”  

Hyunjin smirked against her pussy, where he’d dived back in to wrap his lips around her clit.  At the same time, he pushed his pointer and middle fingers into her tight cunt.  It clenched deliciously around his fingers from the onslaught of stimulation.  He pushed his fingers into her rhythmically and swirled his tongue around her open clit at the same time. 

Her thighs began to quiver and it didn’t take long for something to pull taut within her.  Her pants grew wet and heavy as Hyunjin worked her towards an orgasm.  She could practically taste it in the back of her throat.  She began to grind a little against his tongue but he was quick to place a firm hand on her pelvis to keep her still.  The change in angle on her clit did very little to delay the oncoming high. 

“Don’t stop,”  Seol begged frantically as her high built within her, “Please don’t stop, I’m so close-”

If only, Hyunjin doubled down on his efforts to make her come.  He licked deeper, sucked harder, thrust deeper, slurped louder, until the loudest moan of them all fell from her lips.  Her thighs tensed and her grip in his hair tightened.  She pushed her hips up into his mouth, encouraging him to go deeper. 

The sounds of her orgasm went straight to his cock.  Not to mention the taste, oh my god!  A gush of sweet wetness slipped out of her and Hyunjin lapped up every single drop.  He removed his fingers from within her so he could push his tongue in her instead.  His hand took his tongue’s place, drawing light circles on her clit to help her ride out the high.  He closed his eyes and savored the taste of her cum on his tongue for as long as she’d let him. 

Pleasure sparked through her, from her toes all the way to the crown of her head.  His relentless licking on her center coaxed her through wave after wave of an orgasm that didn’t seem to stop.  Her back arched off the bed and she shuddered through the last wave.

A minute or so later, Seol’s grip in his hair finally relented and her legs fell slack against the bed.  At this, Hyunjin left a few light kitten licks on her clit before pulling away entirely and pressing soft kisses to the insides of her thighs.  He nipped, licked, and sucked at the flesh as a violet reminder that he’d been there.  God, he wanted to take a picture and save it forever but he figured she wouldn’t be into that.  

“Fuck,”  Seol heaved a breath and rubbed her hands over her face, “I haven’t come that hard in so long.”

“Did I find it?”  Hyunjin leaned his cheek on her thigh and looked up at her through his eyelashes.  She looked down at him and let out an incredulous laugh, wondering how he could look so innocent after saying the most sinful things to her.  Not to mention the wizardry he just performed on her pussy.

“Don’t get cocky now.” Seol rolled her eyes, though her pussy was still wet and very, very empty, “Not before you put your actual cock in me.” 

“Damn, your dirty mouth is so hot.”  Hyunjin’s plush lips left kisses on her thighs, hips, and stomach as he inched his way back up to lay over her.  “Tell me more.” 

“You looked so hot with your mouth between my thighs,”  Seol began and Hyunjin’s eyes darkened, “I just wanna feel your tongue in me all the time.” 

Seol’s face flushed with embarrassment at the words, but they seemed to have the opposite effect on Hyunjin.  He placed several deep kisses on her stomach and breasts.  His teeth caught on the lace at the edge of her bra.  Hyunjin finally reached under her to unclasp her bra to remove the offending article.  His nimble fingers helped her to maneuver the bra down her arms until he could toss it onto the floor. 

Her plump tits spilled out of the bra and splayed across her chest.  Hyunjin’s eyes followed their movements and he licked his lips as if his favorite meal- or, second favorite meal (he was pretty sure nothing could ever compare to her cunt)- was just set in front of him.  

Seol yelped when Hyunjin suddenly surged forwards and wrapped his lips around one of her nipples.  He nipped and sucked until it was fully wet and erect before switching to the opposite nipple.  She sighed, closing her eyes and reveling in the feeling.  Each good suck sent another wave of arousal down to her core.  She moaned and sighed as Hyunjin worked his magic on her tits.  

“Don’t you want me to touch you, too?”  Seol asked, finally glancing down at Hyunjin, who was still hard at work sucking on her left nipple.  His tongue circled the bud once more before looking up at her. 

“Baby, this is about you.  I want to make you feel good.”  Hyunjin trailed his hand down her stomach and slid his long fingers through her slit.  Seol gasped at the contact.  “I wanna treat you so good, give your cunt the princess treatment.  I wanna ruin you for everyone else so that your cunt remembers and begs for me when you try to cum by yourself.” 

His middle finger circled her entrance for a few seconds before finally breaching her.  Seol moaned and threw her head back as Hyunjin pushed his long digit into her again.  Hyunjin watched her face as her cunt practically sucked on his finger.  He pushed it in and out slowly, pressing the pad of his finger along her silky walls to help her feel every single centimeter of him. 

“Feel good, Princess?”  Hyunjin’s tongue darted out to lick her nipple again and she clenched on his finger,  “Oh, liked that, huh?”

‘H-Hyunjin,”  Seol moaned when Hyunjin went back to sucking and licking on her nipple.

“What is it, Princess?  Ask and you shall receive.”  

“More.”  Seol sighed, “Please, more.”

“More?  Always so demanding.”  Hyunjin prodded a second finger at her entrance but didn’t let it join the first, “Are you sure you’re ready?  Your pussy is so tight, it’s already choking one finger and you’ve already come on it.” 

“Please, I can take it.”  There she was, begging again.  

“Are you sure?”

“I swear, if you don’t put another finger in me I’m gonna- oh- my god you have to stop doing that,”  Seol moaned when Hyunjin pushed a second finger into her with no warning.  The stretch knocked the wind out of her and if his fingers made her feel this good…

“God, my cock is going to split you in two.”  Hyunjin moaned when she clenched on his fingers.

“I can’t wait to feel it.”  

“You know what?”  Hyunjin rose to sit on his knees once more, retracting his fingers from her.  Seol covered her whimper with a cough.  “If I’m not inside you soon, I think I’m going to go crazy.  I’ll finger you for hours later, if you want.”

Seol watched as Hyunjin made quick work of the button and zipper on his pants, revealing black boxers with “Versace” written in big bold letters along the waistband.  Figures.  He pushed his pants over his hips and managed to get them all the way off.  The bulge in his boxers made her mouth water and her eyes darted to his for a second, as if to give him the okay to show her.  

Hyunjin pushed his boxers down and his flush cock sprang up and bounced against his stomach.  The muscle bobbed and Hyunjin wrapped a hand around the girth and pumped a few times.  The flushed purple head had a bead of pearly precum leaking from it.  The generous length curved upwards and the girth itself, well… Seol began to think that maybe his dirty talk was right.  This beautiful man had the biggest cock she’d ever seen in person and she was certain that Hyunjin was about to ruin her for anyone else. 

Seol immediately sat up and put her hands on his hips.  She looked up at him through her lashes and he grinned.  Wordlessly, she tugged him closer.  Hyunjin stood on his knees in front of her and his cock hovered over her face.  

“I know you said this is about me, but I want to make you feel good, too.”  Seol admitted.  

The urge to taste that little bead of precum overtook her and she opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue.  Hyunjin let out a moan and bobbed his head back, but he looked down just in time for him to guide the tip of his throbbing cock to her tongue. 

Seol wasn’t one who particularly enjoyed giving head.  With Woojin, he always came too quickly or he only let her do it for a few seconds before wanting to get to the main event.  It wasn’t her favorite thing, but something about Hyunjin’s enthusiasm made her want to reciprocate.  She couldn’t explain why her mouth watered when his tip hit her tongue, but it sure did.  

The salty bead dripped down and landed on her tongue.  Seol sighed at the taste and wrapped her lips around him properly.  She suckled on the head, running her tongue along his slit.  Seol was sure that later she would be getting off later to the noises Hyunjin made.  He groaned with his whole body and those breathy moans of his made her wetter than she wanted to admit.  

“Take it deeper,”  Hyunjin ordered, his free hand moving to weave into her air.  

Seol complied, letting him slip into her mouth a little more.  She ran her tongue along the bottom and let the tip hit the roof of her mouth.  Hyunjin used the grip he had on her hair to push her a little further onto him, inch by inch until the tip prodded the back of her throat.  When she swallowed around him, Hyunjin moaned so loudly it made Seol worry that they might get a noise complaint.  She wasn’t about to silence him. 

Hyunjin moved her head along his length, encouraging her to take everything she could.  However, even with her mouth full of his cock, there were a few inches untouched.  Seol reached to grab what didn’t fit in her mouth but he swatted her hand away. 

“Just mouth.  Wanna feel your tongue.”  Hyunjin moaned, “Hands behind your back.”

Seol complied and folded her arms behind her back.  She looked up at him through her lashes and Hyunjin wanted to come in her mouth and all over her face, just to leave his mark.  He wanted to spurt cum down her throat and have her swallow so he could taste himself on her.  He wanted to paint her face and tits with his cum and claim her as his in every way possible.  Not only that, but the urge to come inside that tight little pussy was so great that he figured he’d have to save coming on her face for later. 

The thought was pushed to the back of his mind when his tip prodded the back of her throat.  Her tongue swirled along the underside of his cock.  He pulled out until just the tip was between her lips and he watched as she sucked and licked all over him.  His balls tightened but he held onto his release, wanting to feel her lips around him for as long as possible.  

“I’m gonna thrust a little faster now, can you take it?”  Hyunjin’s voice was unrecognizably deep.  Seol’s pussy clenched.  She nodded around his cock.  “Alright, Princess, relax your throat for me.”

Seol pulled off of him for a moment to suck in a deep breath.  A trail of saliva connected her lips to the head of his cock.  After a moment, she took him back in until he hit the back of her throat.  She relaxed her throat and took in a breath through her nose.  

With that, Hyunjin began to thrust.  His hand pulled her hair into a ponytail so he could control the movement of her head.  Her mouth wrapped around him perfectly.  Her tongue rubbed along him with each thrust and her teeth grazed his shaft every so often.  He could only imagine how much precum he was leaking into her mouth.

“Fuck, your mouth is heaven,”  Hyunjin moaned.  His calculated thrusts began to falter a little, “Perfect fucking mouth!  Relax, baby, I’m gonna go a little harder.  Tap my thigh if you need me to stop.”

Seol fluttered her eyelashes at him as a sign of understanding.  Hyunjin moaned as he increased his pace.  The friction of her tongue on his length was going to be the death of him.  Even with her throat relaxed, he couldn’t get his entire cock between her lips and just the thought that he was too big for her was almost enough to bring him to orgasm.

“You’re taking my big cock perfectly.  You like me stuffing your mouth?”  Hyunjin’s deep voice slipped down her spine to her core.  Seol nodded around him and Hyunjin moaned.  His balls tightened suddenly.  “God, your mouth is too good.  I’ll blow too soon.  I don’t wanna come anywhere but inside you.”  Hyunjin groaned and pulled her off him, “Lay back and let me take care of my Princess and her perfect pussy.  Can I do that?  Can I stuff you with my cock and fill you with my cum?  I’m clean, are you?”

Seol clenched at his words and nodded again.  She ached to follow his every order..  She fell back into the pillows and let Hyunjin manhandle her into the position he wanted.  Luckily, it was pretty simple.  He lifted her legs so her ankles were balanced on his shoulders.  That way he could see as he led his cock to her small opening.

Hyunjin’s dark hooded eyes could bring anyone to their knees, and Seol was suddenly glad that he wanted her.  He stroked his cock in front of her, keeping his eyes on her glistening cunt.  He rubbed his tip through her slick folds, occasionally letting his cock hit the hood of her clit.

“Fuck me,”  Seol breathed, lifting her hips to get closer to him.  

“Are you sure, Princess?  Your cunt is mighty small.  Are you sure I’ll fit?”  Hyunjin curled an eyebrow at her, pumping his cock a few times for dramatic effect.  He pressed the tip against her entrance and pushed in just a little before pulling out completely.  “Gotta make sure you’re gushing for me.”

He repeated the motion, pushing in until just his head slipped in and pulling out before he could get any further.  He repeated the action a number of times until one of the times he slipped in, a filthy squelch filled his ears.  The corner of his lips curved up into a smirk.  He relished the noise and he kept repeating the action to let the filthy sounds of her arousal filled the room.

“You hear that?”  Hyunjin moaned, “Your pussy is begging for me.  Probably soaking the bed, filthy girl.”

“Please!  I want your cock so bad, put it in!”  Seol’s cheeks flushed from embarrassment.  She couldn’t see what Hyunjin was doing to her, but she certainly could feel drops of her arousal trickling down to her ass.

“I can’t say no to my Princess, now can I?”  Hyunjin gritted his teeth as he pressed his tip against her entrance.  Seol was so dripping wet that she was sure she’d have to change the blankets after this.  

She found herself jealous of Hyunjin.  She was at his mercy and at an awkward angle so that she couldn’t see the moment he finally began to slip inside.  Hyunjin’s eyes were locked on the places their bodies joined when his head finally pushed in.  

The groan they released was simultaneous.  Indescribable relief and pleasure washed over them as Hyunjin pushed inside inch by delicious inch.  Her legs were basically thrown over his shoulders and her thighs quivered from the pleasure.  Hyunjin gripped them tight and used them as leverage to sink all the way in until he hit a deadend.  

Cunt split by the thickest, longest cock she’d ever taken, Seol could die happy.

The stretch was fucking unbelievable.  Seol had never experienced such fullness in her entire life.  It was like she could feel the tip of his cock in the back of her throat.  She wondered if she’d be able to see his bulge poking through her stomach.  Even though Hyunjin was flush inside her, he leaned forward a little to increase the pressure of his massive cock inside her stretched cunt.  

“Oh my fucking god.”

“My god, you take me so well.  Your precious little cunt sucked me right in.”

“So full…” 

“I think I’ll die if I don’t see you come on my cock.” 

“Move!”  

“Are you sure you’re ready, Princess?”  

Hyunjin shifted his hips back and his cock slipped out a couple of inches.  He moved until just the head remained inside before he pushed himself all the way back in.  He moaned as her tight, wet heat wrapped around him.  He had to be careful so he wouldn’t come too fast.  He wanted this to last forever.  He kept his eyes on Seol’s face as he thrusted slowly a few times.  Her hooded eyes and slack jaw made him want to fuck her into next week. 

“Fuck, Princess, you’re so tight.”  Hyunjin tossed his head back as he pushed into her again. 

“Faster,”  Seol moaned out.

Hyunjin complied.  He slowly began to speed up his thrusts and the noises they pulled from her were orgasmic.  He pounded into her faster and faster until she began to rock up and down the bed and her tits swayed in time with his thrusts.  Seol basically moaned non-stop, drunk on the feeling of his cock inside her and the way he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes or his hands off her.  

His hands moved to her hips to help with leverage but then moved up to cup her bouncing breasts.  He squeezed them and pinched her nipples, reveling in the way her back arched to keep his hands on her skin.  With every pinch, her pussy clenched on him.  

“You like that?”  Hyunjin cooed, his fingers still tweaking her nipples as he pounded into her, “You don’t have to tell me, your cunt is telling me everything I need to know.  Fuck, you’re clenching so hard around me.” 

His rough and precise thrusts suddenly started hitting all the right places.  Hyunjin adjusted his hips and before she knew it his tip was rubbing against just the right spot inside of her.  The first time?  Maybe a fluke.  But the second, third, and tenth times definitely weren’t.  Seol’s pussy clamped onto his thick cock with every glide, making Hyunjin groan loudly on each reentry.  

Seol could only lay there and take it.  Each brutal thrust against her cervix hurt so good and she couldn’t keep quiet.  She watched the most beautiful man she’d ever seen fall apart above her, because of her.  He pulled those delectable plump lips between his teeth as he focused on delivering each of his perfect thrusts.  His hands traveled from her tits, to her hips, then up her legs to grip the back of her knees.  He pushed her knees up towards her shoulders and leaned down to be closer to her body. 

This change in angle made Seol’s hips naturally rise to meet him until each of his thrusts bottomed out every single time.  His hips rolled into her beautifully, like he had control over every muscle in his body and he was using them to make her feel every single inch of him.  The pleasure that pulsed from her core made her want to cry.  It was as if she was floating.  Each push of his pelvis against hers rubbed perfectly against her clit, bringing her closer and closer. 

Her cunt ached.  Hyunjin’s dick speared into her. 

“F-fuck, H-Hyunjin, you’re fucking me so good.”  Seol moaned in time with his thrusts.

“Yeah?  Feels good, Princess?”  Hyunjin pushed a few hard and fast thrusts into her. 

“Your cock-”  

“What about my cock?”  A cocky smile adorned his features.  

“Splitting me open!  Fuck!”  Seol sighed, closing her eyes to really feel each of his thrusts. 

“God, I know you’re not a virgin but you're just as tight as one, fuck.  Haven’t I fucked you good enough?  How are you still so tight?  That asshole didn’t fuck you right, did he?”

“No!  Fuck, no, he didn’t!”

“Do I fuck you better than him? Who’s fucking you right?”

“You!”

“Who’s gonna get you to cum harder than you ever have before?”  Hyunjin panted.  His thrusts sped up when her cunt began to squeeze around him.

“You, Hyunjin, you!”  Seol groaned. 

“Who are you gonna cream on, Princess?  Come on, baby, give it to me!”

“Please-”  Seol’s plea was cut off by a brutal thrust, “Please, I’m gonna-”

“Is my Princess gonna come on my cock?”  Hyunjin muttered through gritted teeth.  Her moans, her skin, and her cunt were almost too much for him.  He was worried he’d blow any second but he had to see her come first. 

“Yes. Yes!  Fuck, right there!”  Seol reached for him and who was he to deny her.  Hyunjin leaned closer so he could angle his thrusts just right and so Seol could grip his shoulders.  “Hyunjin- ah!  I’m so close!  So, so, so close!”

“Come on, come for me, Baby, show me how good I make you feel.”  Hyunjin groaned. 

Almost no sooner had he spoken, Seol’s cunt clenched on him so hard he almost came right then and there.  She threw her head back, squeezed her eyes shut, and let out a moan so filthy that once again Hyunjin was angry he couldn’t document it and keep it forever.  Her cunt clenched, then a rush of warm wetness coated his cock and a bit of his pelvis.  The clear fluid wasn’t much in volume but Hyunjin knew for sure just how good he was making her feel. 

“Kiss me-”  Seol panted.  She pulled him in by his neck so he fell over her.  Chest to chest, lips to lips.  Sweat slicked skin rubbed together.  Her cunt clenched and fluttered through her orgasm and Hyunjin’s hips slowed to help her ride it out without overstimulating her.  

Hyunjin swallowed each and every one of her moans as she gave them to him.  He dropped her legs and instead planted his hands on either side of her head for leverage.  He kissed her as if perhaps she would break under him.  He held onto his own release in the hopes to see her finish completely.

“Goooood girl,”  Hyunjin cooed, the vibrations against her ear sparked down to her clit, “Feels good?”

“So fucking good,”  Seol panted against his mouth, shifting her hips upwards to encourage him to keep going, “Fuck you feel amazing inside of me.”

“Fuck, Princess, your cunt is easily the best one I’ve ever had,”  Hyunjin moaned without thinking as he moved his hips with purpose now.  He was teetering on the brink of orgasm and he wasn’t sure how much longer he’d last.

“Yeah?  I make you feel good?”  

“So fucking good, wanna fuck you forever.  Gonna come so hard.  Never wanna pull out.  Wanna leave you reeking of me, fuck, I’m gonna come-”  Hyunjin choked, as if to warn her.  

Seol wrapped her arms and legs around him to hold him as close as humanly possible.  Skin-to-skin.  The pressure of his cock in her still was amazing but she wasn’t about to come again.  She wished it didn’t have to end.

“Fuck!”  He shouted suddenly, “Princess, I’m gonna- where?  Where!  Where do you want me to-”

“Inside.”  

The breathless whisper from Seol was all it took for him to tip over the edge and come with a groan directly into her ear.  Warm spurts of cum shot into her, coating her walls and her cervix in a generous blanket.  Warmth spread through her belly as Hyunjin’s orgasm continued for what must have been a whole minute.  He came for a long time and he came a lot.  However, his hips kept pushing in for a few seconds even after he was done.

“Wanna.  Fuck.  It.  Deeper.”  Hyunjin panted with each thrust that sent a shiver of overstimulation up his spine.  He wanted to leave her with part of him, so she’d be leaking for days and reminded of what he did to her.  He wanted to come inside her a dozen more times until she was swollen and dripping with it. He didn't just want to fuck her, he wanted more.

He just wanted… her.

<- Chapter Eight - Chapter Ten ->

[bdafic]

How have you been?

I appreciate this -- it's very kind to ask. I'm putting the answer under a cut because it's an honest one, and I get that not everyone is comfy reading about more serious medical/health stuff.

Not great!

Some years back, I suffered a pretty significant brain hemorrhage that resulted in permanent damage. I had a smaller one about a year ago, and possibly another in the summer. This is all due to a genetic condition.

I made a good recovery, but part of that was (is) accepting that I will never go back to being the person I was. And that really fucking sucks. Among other things, my short-term memory, speaking, word-finding, reading, and short-term memory are all severely impacted. I am bursting with the desire to create, but much of the time it feels like my hands are bound and my mouth taped shut. Writing is something I was always pretty good at -- I've been doing it since childhood -- and it's demoralizing to see it ripped away so easily.

I would love to be more connected to fandom spaces, but it's hard to feel comfortable talking to people. It's embarrassing to repeat myself, forget shit, talk too much, mix up words, say things the wrong way... People on the internet are not known for extending grace and patience. What I miss the most is being able to read tons of other works and leave comments. Nowadays I have to use a voice reader, take notes, frequent breaks, constantly restart chapters, and potentially wait ages for another 'good' day. I genuinely get a lot of joy out of uplifting others, but it's deeply uncomfortable to do all of that and then spend the next week worrying that I still managed to mess it up somehow. I was already weird and autistic before any of this and let me tell you brain damage has not improved things!

Currently, I am awaiting surgery for a different thing relating to the same genetic condition. My body is not digesting food, and it causes a lot of pain. As a bonus, malnutrition also messes with your brain function. This, too, sucks.

(For the record, my wife has instructions on how to update this account if anything more permanent were to happen to me).

I think about my writing almost every day. I try to pick at my drafts whenever I can make my words work. It's cliché, but every time I get a comment or someone like you comes by and asks me a question, it feels very revitalizing. It tells me I was once capable of creating something that someone else thought was kinda neat. Maybe I still am. I'm fairly unknown in this fandom and very rarely get asks or a bunch of comments or anything, so every time an AO3 email comes in it is a genuinely wonderful surprise. The one perk of brain damage is that I may forget to archive the email and then get to experience that wonderful surprise several times over!

(If I have ever replied to a comment twice: I'm very sorry. I will do it again).

I hope this does not discourage anyone from leaving one, because I regularly go back and re-read them. They mean a lot to me, especially right now. I don't have anyone to talk to about Dragon Age and fic, and I am not comfortable with the people in my life knowing how many hundreds of hours I have spent thinking about elves having sex, so it's really nice to live in a world where I can gush with someone else for a moment.

Thanks for taking the time to ask.

[redr0sewrites]

🥀2K Follower Event🥀

🥀A/n: hi everyone!!! i've finally made it to 2K followers and i am so soo soooo happy + excited!!! i never thought id make it this far and i am very excited to celebrate with all of you. in honor of me finally reaching this goal, ive created a prompt list below that u can all use to send in requests. thank u all again for helping me on this journey, ily all!!!

🥀How it Works:

send in a request with the prompt number you would like, along with the character(s) you would like me to write it for and whether or not you want the fic to be nsfw/sfw

if you want any additional information on the reader to be included (gender, race, fashion, or any other descriptors) please include those w the request as well

up to 3 characters per request, as i want to realistically be able to finish them all without burning out

prompts may be used twice, but not for the same character. multiple characters may be used for the same prompt but a singular character can not be reused for that prompt.

i will be accepting requests until the event closes, and i will update this post once that happens

if a request goes against my rules and guidelines on my pinned masterpost, the request will simply not be written

i will work on requests chronologically, so please be patient.

🥀Request Format Examples:

hi! can i request prompt #28 with rengoku and a mtf!reader? i'd like the fic to be sfw! tysm and have a great day!

heyy can u write prompt #7 with aaravos and make it nsfw? thx!

can i request prompt #33 (sfw) with jayroy (jason todd and roy harper) x masc!reader? thankss!

🥀Prompts:

"you can't just show up like this! are you hurt?"

"where are you?"

"somebody is in loooveee!!"

"of course they don't like me, that's ridiculous!... did they say anything to you about me?"

"i don't like you- i love you."

"its so cold without you."

"i guess im just disappointed."

"did you hurt them?"

"i can't stand them, their stupid smile and their stupid laugh and their stupid crooked teeth- oh."

"why are your hands so cold?!"

"ive never felt like this before.."

"because i love you! i've loved you since the moment i saw you, i just can't take it anymore. i want you to be with me!"

"i wasted so much time chasing after them, and for what?"

"do you even like me?" "i love you-" "thats not what i asked. sure, you love me, but do you even like me as a person?"

"it feels- it feels good.."

"don't be shy, darling"

"i wish you saw yourself the way that i see you."

"i never hated you!"

"are you mad at me?"

"i'm just so sick of trying to be something im not. i hope you can forgive me."

"please don't cry, shh, your okay."

"i want you, no one else."

"do you trust me?"

"ive never been touched there.."

"i want you inside me/i want to be inside you"

"you taste so sweet.."

"why can't you see that i love you?"

"is that my shirt your wearing?"

"aww, are you stuck baby?"

"i thought i lost you again"

"our baby would be so cute..."

"you're so pretty like this.."

"i love you." "you're drunk, you dont- you don't mean that.."

"i hate how easy it is for me to love you again."

"are you.. scared of me?"

"aw, don't cry prince/ss"

"i need to stay awake, but i'm just so tired... can you stay? please?"

"i'm just going to end up hurting you-" "i know you'd never hurt me"

"would it be embarrassing if i said i missed you?"

"fuck- feel me all up in your guts, baby?"

"stay still, this will only hurt for a second, jus' relax for me, kay?"

"i know you can take it, just breathe"

"i need you so bad.. it hurts-"

"do you wanna join, or are you just gonna keep watching?"

"no one else will get to see me like this, i can promise you that"

"come closer, i need you"

"you look absolutely stunning like this"

"i'm sorry i wasn't there before, but i'm here now, and i always will be"

"i can't get up with you laying on top of me!"

"shit." "what?" "so, uh, theres only one bed.."

most of these i made up myself by just imagining random fanfic scenarios, but a few were ideas from friends, so credit to them! again, thank you all so much for supporting me and for helping me get this far ♥️♥️♥️

[smuttysabina]

Chaelisa "Chella Action

(Lisa x Rose, 800 words) Lisa and Rose have fun at Coachella Tags: Lesbian action, Dialogue, Fisting, brief vomiting, cumplay, harsh language

"Really Lisa?"

"What, Rose?"

"This is the best you could find?"

"Hey, I don't want to hear any complaints, this is the best one I could get that was... unspoiled."

"Where did you even find it anyways?"

"Passed out next to the main stage, I think she missed him since he was unconscious."

"Well judging by the screaming Jennie is still going at it."

"Mhmm, so be happy we don't get her sloppy seconds for once, this one is fresh!"

"I'm surprised you didn't just grab some of her leftovers, considering what a perverted whore you are, you should like cleaning up after your betters."

"Wow fuck you too bitch, at least I'm not a sadistic... oh, shut up, shut up, he's waking up! Ahem- Hello there, how are you feeling, good? Oh don't bother getting up silly, we'll be joining you down there soon enough."

"Ugh, do we really have to fuck him in the dirt?"

"Its COACHELLA, everything is covered in dirt!"

"Well some of us, dislike rutting on the ground like animals!"

"Okay, then go find a fucking clean mattress then, I'll be busy enjoying myself."

"FINE. But I get to go first."

"Um, no. I don't want you to ruin him like you do with all of your... slaves. The last one was literally jizzing blood!"

"Oh please, you were just on your period Lisa, and anyways I don't want your filthy cunt juices smeared all over my... dildo."

"Heh, you were going to say 'slave' weren't you?"

"Its called wordplay whore, maybe you should figure it out before writing another song."

"....Ouch"

"..."

"..."

"Okay, I'm sorry, that was a little too harsh."

"It's fine, that just means I get to go first. God you are so easy to manipulate, its a wonder you manage to domme anyone at all..."

"Hey!"

"Too late! Hello again my darling little pet, ready to make my insides all juicy? Don't mind Rose there, she's just mad about going last! So make sure to fuck me good and proper, if you cum before I do, I'll make sure you get it up again..."

"..."

"What's wrong Rose, still mad that you're going to be cleaning up after me again? You can just stand there and watch as I ride- wait Rose. What are you doing back there with your hand? Wait, no. Get lube you idiot! Get lube! LUBE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!"

"Oh shut up you slut, I know you love it rough. This is payback for earlier, whore"

"Oh fuck... Rose I can feel your fist in my stomach... oh god I'm gonna! Blooooargh!"

"That's disgusting! Could you not puke everywhere like a cheap whore? You really do deserve to get fucked on the ground you filthy animal."

"Hah- I- hah, I don't want to hear that from the fucking bitch who just shoved her arm up my ass!"

"Lisa, you came like twice from this, don't deny you're not enjoying this."

"Urrrgh, I'm going to force feed you so much cum after this you bitch..."

"I'd love to see you try, by the time I'm done with you I doubt your loose holes will be able to hold anything in them at all!"

"Ghurk Ghurk Ghurk GHUAH! Is that all you've got Rose, I've fucked virgins who could plow me harder than that!"

"...Um Lisa."

"Huh...? What?"

"Look down."

"...Oh, he passed out again."

"...Did he finish?"

"Hmm.... yup I can feel his load in there! I guess he came so hard he blacked out!"

"Pfffft, you really do suck at choosing fuck meat!"

"Yeah yeah I don't want to hear it! Also uh, Rose?"

"Yes Lisa?"

"Want to keep fisting me?

"Sigh, fine. But only if you eat me out afterwards."

"Deal! And you can degrade me all you want and shit while I'm doing it."

"You do know how to push my buttons don't you?"

"Oh yeah, and afterwards, want to try and find some more pets? Surely Jennie can't fuck her way through all of them!"

"With Jisoo helping her out? Seriously?"

"Well I guess we can be on cleanup duty again..."

"Are you fine with sloppy seconds?"

"Are you really asking me that?"

"Fine, as long as you clean them off first for me..."

"Rose dear, I always do. Now shouldn't you be, um?"

"Oh right! Only if you ask nicely though, Lisa."

"I hate you."

"That works!"

"OH FUCK! HARDER ROSE HARDER!"

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

A Dead Man & his Raven

Chapter 2

Note: happy spooky season! this fic is inspired by The Crow, Sihtric being based on Eric Draven. Follow up to Chapter 1. Several quotes from the movie and comic are used in the following chapters, they are marked bold, as they are not my own. I was often interrupted while proof reading this chapter, so ignore any errors :)

Warning for entire series: 18+! angst/fluff. this story deals with death, losing a loved one, depression, suicidal thoughts/attempts (no details), murder (described), violence. There is also a lot of fluff, but you have been warned.

Warnings for this chapter: angst/fluff. mention of death, murder, fright, drugs, blood.

pairing: Modern!Sihtric x you (f)

summary: You were reminded of your first kiss with Sihtric.

wordcount: 4,3k

Masterlist

'I promise you're safe with me.'

The dead don't carry keys, Sihtric thought as he searched his pockets, but they fucking should.

He snickered at his own thoughts after he had finally stumbled his way home, where he realised he couldn't get in. He looked down at his hands, finding them completely healed again. No more blood, no more cuts. And he scoffed, then looked up at the sky.

You gave me the ability to heal from my wounds but you forgot to give me a key to my home? Nice one, Odin. Now what?

He looked around the empty street, the only movement being water that ran down into the sewer, and then he looked back at the front door.

I could ring the bell, Sihtric thought, and a grin appeared. Ding-dong! Hello, angel, your murdered fiancé is home again! Did you miss me? His grin fell off his face slowly, for hurt and despair to take over. Because I have missed you, my love. He closed his eyes, clenched his jaw and inhaled deeply as he recalled your face. I have missed you with every fibre of my entire being. If I wasn't already dead, I would have killed myself single-handedly over and over again, because living without you is unbearable. He angrily kicked at the door. Don't worry, love, I can't die twice I've been told. But I swear I will kill every single fucking bastard who did this to us. He kicked the door again. I will kill every last man who broke us up, before we could even vow to not let death do us part. They're dead, my love. They're all dead. They just don't know it yet. He kicked the door again, harder this time, as his tears fell down with the rain.

'They're all fucking dead!' Sihtric growled, and kicked the door open with force.

The neverending nightmare.

More or less recovered from your breakdown after work, you managed to continue your drive home. You ran up to your front door, through the pouring rain, and when you wanted to stick your key in the door, you saw it had been breached open. You looked around you, but there was not a sight of anyone nearby. The street may be empty, you thought, but it was still Devil's Night. The night on which people commit petty crimes as well as serious crimes, such as murdering your fiancé last year, because the cops can't be everywhere at once. Therefore, you also knew that calling the police would not be of any help right now. A simple house robbery was not of importance on a night like this.

With trembling hands you pushed the door further open and you quietly stepped inside. You waited in the dark hallway for a minute, but didn't hear a single sound, apart from the violent rain outside. You walked down the hallway and, before reaching the door to the living room, you carefully took an umbrella from underneath the coat rack. Armed with your pathetic weapon of choice, you then kicked the second door completely open with force.

'If anyone is here I swear I will bash your fucking head in!' you shouted, holding the umbrella tightly in your shaky hands.

While breathing heavily, you once again waited for any kind of sound or movement as you looked around the pitch black room. And again, apart from the rain, it was quiet and there was no movement. Until a sudden voice scared you half to death.

'You would bash my fucking head in with that umbrella, my angel?' the voice said, and a soft chuckle followed, 'an angel of death you would truly be.'

Your heart skipped numerous beats at the familiar voice; your favourite voice, which sound you had missed so desperately. The umbrella fell out of your hands and you immediately turned to switch on the lights, only to stare into a cold, empty room.

'What the fuck!' you breathed, eyes wide.

You exhaled sharply after a few long secons and let out a laugh, which turned into a sob as you realised you had imagined Sihtric's voice. You already were afraid you would start imagining and hearing things around the first anniversary date of his death, but this had seemed so real. It truly scared you and made you even more upset than you already had been. You kicked at the umbrella in front of you and, when you turned back to the hallway, suddenly one cold hand grabbed your chin as the other covered your mouth to silence you.

And you stared up into Sihtric's mismatched eyes.

'Please do not be frightened of me, angel,' Sihtric said fast, but calm, hoping you weren't going to scream. Or punch him in the face.

Your eyes grew even wider, and Sihtric removed his hands after a moment, taking a step back.

'N-no,' you whispered, fear and near insanity laced your voice, and you stumbled backwards into the hallway, landing hard on your behind with a soft cry.

'No,' you then chuckled, 'this isn't real,' you said while crawling backwards. 

Your nails scratched at the wooden floor, and your wet shoes squeaked while desperately trying to get away from whatever your imagination was projecting right now.

'Darling,' Sihtric said, and he crouched down, reaching out with his pale, trembling hand.

'No!' you screamed and covered your face with your hands, crying as you shook your head, 'leave me alone! This isn't real! This isn't real!' you shouted, pulling your own hair as you kept your eyes closed, rocking back and forth in the corner of your hallway.

'Shh, shh,' Sihtric hushed you, and cupped your cold, trembling hands with his own, stopping you from trying to tear your hair out. 

'Listen to me-'

'No!' you cried out, terrified, backing yourself up further into the corner, but there was no escape from this nightmare blended dream.

'Listen to me!' Sihtric said again, compassionate but firm, 'it's real. I am real,' he slowly pulled your hands away from your face and cupped your cheeks. 'Look at me,' he whispered, 'look at me, please,' and at last, his voice broke under the pressure of his own emotions, 'I need you to look at me, angel,' he said with a sob.

Your body trembled as you slowly opened your eyes, teardrops stuck to your eyelashes, blurring your vision when you finally dared to look at Sihtric, who then sat back, giving you space as you rubbed your eyes free of tears as much as possible. 

Sihtric, who was not a figment of your imagination, was actually truly there. Your dead fiancé. He was there. Kneeled down right in front of you, staring at you with his big, teared up eyes as he took in every inch of your face.

'I… I… don't… unders-s-stand,' you nearly panicked.

'I will explain,' Sihtric said, 'but, please… just,' he inhaled sharply as tears started to roll down his cheeks, 'p-please just hold me, please,' his trembling hands reached out to you again, 'I'm so… so cold. I've been so cold without you. I need to- to feel you, please?'

And then, without thinking or having any doubt in your mind, you wrapped your arms around him. You tightly held the man who had your undying love. You breathed in the familiar scent of the man you thought you would never see again. And you both cried as you held each other, down on the floor, hiding in the corner of your hallway, while the wind outside howled and the rain came crashing down.

'Sihtric?' you said with a soft sob.

'Please,' Sihtric whispered, and his cold hands took your face again, 'please, kiss me,' he breathed.

And your lips found those of the man who had taken your heart with him to his grave, after his own heart had stopped beating, exactly one year ago, at the corner of the street you still lived on. And you suddenly remembered your first kiss.

Love at first sight.

Many, many moons ago, you met Sihtric for the first time at your local concert venue. His band, Hangman's Joke, had finished their set about half an hour ago and they already packed up all their gear, which one of their members had loaded in a van before taking off. 

It was your first time hearing and seeing the band, but you enjoyed it, and you couldn't deny that the guy who was the lead guitarist as well as the lead singer, was as cute as he was hot. He was dressed in black leather boots, black leather jeans and a black shirt which had tears and holes in it. He was very muscular, and you had to stop yourself from staring the entire time. He was almost ghostly pale, truly nailing the whole gothic look, without even seeming to try. His dark, shoulder length hair was wild, but not in a neglected kind of way. He had a well kept goatee, which told you this guy clearly took care of himself, unlike most so-called underground rockstars you knew of. You definitely enjoyed the amount of eye contact you had with him during his performance, and to your pleasant surprise, you suddenly found him standing next to you. When you looked up, he was already gazing at you, leaning on the bar while he smiled.

'Hey,' he said, with a faint hint of shyness, 'may I buy you a drink?'

You tried to suppress your smile and rolled your eyes as you looked away for a second. Was this going to be a cheap pick up attempt? You weren't easy like that, but he was to die for, really. So you decided to test him.

'That depends. Do you always pick up girls after a show?' you asked, desperately trying to not be intimidated yet intrigued by his strong appearance.

'Oh, all the time,' Sihtric scoffed, clearly pretending to be offended, 'it's a hobby of mine to see how many I can get in my bed in one night.'

'I see,' you feigned being impressed, 'and how many are you expecting to land in your bed tonight?'

'Tonight? Just one,' Sihtric said with a cheeky half smile as he leaned in, 'just you,' he winked.

You couldn't help but laugh and blush at his words. He was obviously unserious about his "hobby", but there was truth in his last answer, you could tell.

'Very smooth,' you chuckled.

'Yeah?' he laughed, 'did I impress you by giving you merely a vague hint about my wild sex adventures after shows?'

'Almost,' you snorted, and couldn't get yourself to look away from his eyes as he smiled so sweetly at you.

There was something so sincere about him, so honest. There was again that hint of shyness in his smile, as the dimly lit venue couldn't quite hide his slightly flushed cheeks, which had reddened after you had smiled at him. He fidgeted with his rings, which told you he was a little nervous, or maybe high on drugs, you thought, but you noticed his pupils were rather normal. You also noticed his eyes were two different colours, and you felt you could easily get lost in those for hours. 

'I, eh, I'm Sihtric by the way,' he shyly smiled again and held his hand out to you.

'Hi,' you returned the shy smile as you took his hand and introduced yourself.

His tattooed fingers brushed over yours as he slowly let go, after holding on for just a second too long for it to be meaningless.

'So,' he smacked his lips, 'can I buy you that drink?'

'Perhaps,' you grinned, 'what's the catch?'

Sihtric furrowed his brow and puckered his lips.

'Hm,' he hummed softly as he went over his thoughts, 'the catch is that you'll have to tell me one thing you love about yourself, and one thing you hate about yourself.'

'Oh?' you chuckled, truly impressed this time that a guy for once didn't ask for a kiss or something like that, and you agreed to the deal.

Sihtric bought you a drink and followed you as you found an empty table in the busy venue bar.

'Well then,' Sihtric smiled and took a quick sip from his drink, 'tell me.'

'Okay,' you put your glass on the table and looked at Sihtric, 'I like-'

'No, no,' Sihtric interrupted you, 'I said love, not like. Tell me what you love about yourself.'

You chuckled and sighed softly as Sihtric rested his chin in the palm of his hand, leaning on the table while he sat across from you. The place was packed, but he looked at you as if you were the only person in the room.

'Fine,' you gave him a fake, mean glare, 'what I love about myself is… how loyal I am. Doesn't matter if it's friendships or relationships,' you said, 'I think it's a good trait.'

'It is a great trait,' Sihtric smiled while gazing at you again, 'hard to come by these days.'

'I guess,' you said shyly.

'But now the big question,' Sihtric said as he leaned back, raking his fingers through his hair, 'what do you hate about yourself?'

'Can I only mention one thing?' you grimaced, 'because I got quite the list-'

'Lady,' Sihtric hushed you and chuckled, 'one thing only.'

'Fine,' you huffed and crossed your arms, 'I hate my smile.'

'Your smile?' Sihtric nearly choked on his drink and punched his chest twice as he coughed, 'what are you talking about?'

'I just don't like my smile,' you shrugged, 'for no specific reason.'

'Well, look,' he held his hands up, 'I have to strongly disagree with you here, lady.'

'Okay,' you frowned, 'is this the moment you'll start the heavy flirting, praising me with compliments to lure me into your bed?'

'Actually,' Sihtric said with a grin, leaning in closer over the table, 'my place is a bit of a mess right now. So I kinda hoped I could lure myself into your bed.'

'And what's the catch if I were to agree to that?' you teased, leaning in too.

'The catch being,' Sihtric smiled softly, and he held your chin with his fingertips, 'that you have to promise me you will never believe those negative thoughts about yourself ever again. Because you notice how the thing you love about yourself has nothing to do with your appearance? And the one thing you hate…'

You stared at Sihtric, your cheeks flushed at his touch and his intense eyes locked on you. Then he sat back again, quickly finished his drink and jumped up.

'You want to get out of here?' he asked, smiling, and went to grab his skateboard.

Sihtric held your hand as you walked out of the venue, back to your place. It was pleasantly quiet out, the streets being empty as it was a sunday night. You had the day off tomorrow and the day after, so you had no plans of finding sleep early. The silence between you and Sihtric was a comfortable one, but you were curious about him, and even more curious about the skateboard he held in his other hand.

'You skateboard everywhere?'

'Most of the time, yeah,' he smiled.

'Really?'

'Yes, lady,' Sihtric chuckled, 'why? Do you?'

'No,' you snorted, 'never done it.'

Sihtric stopped walking and stared at you with a puzzled look.

'You never tried it?'

'No,' you shrugged, 'my balance is shit anyway-'

'Wanna try?'

'What?'

'Come,' Sihtric smiled, holding his hand out as he put his board on the ground, 'try it.'

'Oh, absolutely not,' you laughed and looked at the street ahead of you, 'I'll break my neck.'

'No you won't,' Sihtric laughed, 'come,' he beckoned you over.

With heavy feet you stepped closer to the pale, dark clothed man, and you took his hand. Sihtric chuckled when he helped you on the board, holding it in place by setting his leather boot in front of the wheels.

'No, no,' you giggled as you squeezed his hand, already feeling off balance, 'I'm scared to go off this hill.'

'Hill? You can't call this a hill. Don't be scared,' Sihtric smiled and circled his arm around your waist.

Then, he placed one foot on the board and pulled you closer against his body.

'Wait, what are you-'

'Shh,' he smiled, 'I got you.'

'No. What-'

'I promise I got you,' he chuckled at your surprised face, 'trust me. I won't let anything happen to you.'

Before you could say another word, Sihtric placed his other foot next to yours, and the skateboard slowly started to roll forwards, down the really not that steep street, but steep enough to make you cling onto him. And when you realised you truly weren't going to break your neck, you started to laugh at the quite exhilarating feeling. And Sihtric smiled at you whenever he wasn't looking down the road, and he swore he had never seen a more beautiful smile than yours.

'See,' Sihtric said when the skateboard came to a halt at the end of the street, 'told you nothing would happen to you.'

He helped you step off the board, back onto the concrete ground, where he immediately circled his arms around you again and pulled you in.

'I guess you were right,' you chuckled and looked up at him.

'I promise you're safe with me,' Sihtric whispered, 'always.'

He briefly brushed his lips lightly over yours, before he captured you in a soft, sweet kiss.

Sihtric hummed softly before he pulled away, lightheaded while his heart was beating out of his chest. And when he saw you smiled at him, he brought his lips back to yours again.

When you woke up in your own bed the next morning, a little sore, you felt yourself pout in silence when you noticed Sihtric was gone. It's not like you hadn't expected him to be anything more than a one night stand, so you weren't really surprised, but you had to admit you were a little disappointed. His flirting had been very effective, and he truly seemed different from any other guy you ever met, so you had some unfair expectation that he wouldn't just run off in the morning. But you also blamed yourself for it being a one night thing. You had not discussed your own intentions before you took him home. Or after you had moaned his name in the middle of the night, when he had his hand wrapped around your throat and his other cupping your cheek, while his forehead rested against yours and his low, heavy growl spilled down over your lips as your fingers were tangled in his messy hair. 

You sat up and searched for your underwear in your bed, when suddenly your bathroom door, which was across from your bed, flung open and Sihtric walked out, shirtless, only dressed in those tight, leather jeans while his damp hair was raked back with his fingers.

'Jesus fucking christ!' you yelled and pulled the blankets up to cover your breasts.

Not that he hadn't seen those before. He had actually done way more than just seeing those, you thought, and you felt your face heat up.

'Fuck!' Sihtric hissed and grabbed his chest, looking equally as startled as you.

'You scared me!' you half yelled.

'Shit. Sorry, angel,' he chuckled, 'I hope you didn't mind I took a shower,' he said a little shyly.

'What? No, no,' you shook your head, 'that's fine. I just… I didn't expect you were still here.'

'Oh,' Sihtric said, and his confidence left his body in an instant, 'I- I'm sorry,' you could see the sudden hurt in his eyes before he looked down at his feet, 'I didn't realise that... I-I should've known this was just a one night stand,' he mumbled and walked over to grab his shirt from the floor, which you had taken off of him the night before, and he put it back on, 'I'm really sorry if I overstayed my welcome. I- I should head home now anyway, I have a meeting soon. So-'

'No,' you interrupted him, 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant… I… I thought it was just a, you know, a quick and random fuck for you,' you said with flushed cheeks.

'Ah,' he clicked his tongue, and anxiously rubbed his hand over his chin, 'I'm sorry if I made it come off that way. That was truly never my intention,' he cleared his throat, 'but, eh, yeah, you know, I better get going anyway. Gotta change my clothes and get some quick food…'

'Let me make you breakfast,' you blurted out as Sihtric picked up his leather boots, and he stared at you.

'What?' he chuckled, then smirked, 'you want to make me breakfast?'

'What's your favourite flower?' Sihtric asked, his mouth stuffed with cereal as he ate like a wild boar, not having much time.

'What? Oh, uh,' you chuckled, 'uh, roses. Cliché, I know,' you rolled your eyes.

'I like roses. Roses are pretty,' he said and swallowed his food, 'pretty like you,' he smiled before he hovered the rest of his cereal, then jumped up.

'You had enough to eat?' you asked, watching him grab his short, leather jacket.

'Not quite,' Sihtric chuckled, 'but I really gotta go, sweetheart. I can't be late,' he picked up his skateboard and hopped back over to you to kiss your cheek, 'thank you though.'

'You're welcome,' you smiled, and just when Sihtric turned away, you pulled him back in for a kiss on his lips.

Sihtric froze for a second and dropped his skateboard. He smiled against your lips and gently cupped your cheeks, kissing you back, soft and slow. After a moment, which was way too short, you broke the kiss, knowing he had to run. You smiled at him when he suddenly got all shy.

'So, eh,' Sihtric blushed, 'c-call me?' he asked, cautiously, 'will you call me later?'

'Y-yeah,' you felt yourself becoming shy too, 'what time suits you? After your meeting?'

'I should be back home after five,' he said and picked up his skateboard again.

You nodded with a smile and promised to call him as you walked him to your door. He gave you a sweet, slightly awkward peck to your lips and then you watched him skateboard smoothly down the road. And only when you closed the door, and Sihtric left your street in a hurry, you both realised you didn't have his number.

You hoped that, since Sihtric knew where you lived now, he would come find you after his meeting. But you also couldn't help worrying that maybe he would have forgotten about you by the end of the day. The thoughts drove you mad, and it was only four in the afternoon when suddenly your doorbell rang and you jumped up. Half wanting it to be Sihtric, half trying to ignore that hope, so you wouldn't get your silly little heart broken over a guy you only just met.

You opened the door and, to your confusion, you were greeted by a large package.

'Will you please sign?' a young lady asked, holding a clipboard out to you.

'Ehh, but I didn't order anything?' you more or less asked.

'Is this your name?' she asked, and you took a closer look at the label.

'It is, but-'

'Then please sign.'

You raised an eyebrow in offence, but you were curious now and wanted to know what was in the box, so you signed. The box wasn't that heavy, but it was annoyingly shaped, so you could barely pick it up. After your struggle to get back into your living room, you quickly opened the package, and you smiled a little confused.

Roses. The box held a mixed bouquet of one dozen red roses, and one dozen black roses. Then, your eyes spotted a little note hidden in the bouquet, and you folded it open.

My angel, sorry I had to rush this morning. In my haste I forgot to give you my number.

Here's a small thanks for the breakfast… and the great sex last night.

Call me? x  

You couldn't fight your smile anymore and squealed when you found Sihtric's number on the back of the handwritten note. His flower delivery arrangement had caused him to be late to his meeting, but he couldn't let you slip out of his hands like that.

'I'm sorry I slipped out of your hands like that,' Sihtric sniffled as he held you tight, after he had scared you out of your mind by coming back from the dead.

After the first shock, he had carried you to bed, where he cuddled up with you, just like he used to before he died.

'I'm so sorry I left you just like that,' he whispered.

'I just don't understand,' you cried, 'how am I supposed to understand any of this? How… how are you here? How do I know I haven't gone completely fucking mental?'

'You haven't,' he said as he took your face, 'you haven't gone insane, I promise.'

'I just don't understand,' you barely whispered.

'I am here because my soul hasn't been able to rest since I died. Odin sent me back to make things right, so I can find my peace.'

'So… are you like… are you an angel?' you sniffled.

'No, love,' Sihtric chuckled and kissed your lips, 'I am too angry to be an angel.'

'I've missed you so much,' you sobbed and fell in his arms.

'I've missed you too,' Sihtric sighed, 'it's been so lonely without you, my love. But at least I could always see you.'

'What?' you leaned back and looked up at him, 'w-what do you mean?'

'The raven… at the window,' he whispered, 'he's my eyes and ears. And I… I see you cry every night, baby,' his voice broke, 'here, in our bed.' 

He moved his hand slowly over the soft sheets you were both under.

'Please,' Sihtric whispered, leaning his forehead against yours, 'don't. Don't cry for me, angel. You have to stop that, please. It's tearing me apart to see you hurt like that, when I can't hold you in my arms or kiss your tears away.'

'But I don't know how to live without you,' you teared up again, 'I don't want to live without you.'

'Shh,' he hushed you and pecked your lips, while you both cried and trembled in each other's arms again, 'I'm here now, okay?'

'Please… you... you can't,' your breath hitched,' please, never leave me again, Siht.'

'You have to understand, my sweetest love,' Sihtric whispered and softly caressed your cheek, 'that all of this is temporary.'

taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylasthegrim @bubbles-for-all-of-us @andakth @bel-bottoms @willowbrookesblog @lady-targaryens-world @skyofficialxx @diosademuerte @elle4404 @alexagirlie @sweetxime @solango @gemini-mama @cheyennep3107 @little-diable @jennifer0305 @drwstarkeyy @mrsarnasdelicious @verenahx @urmomsgirlfriend1

[s-ephiroth]

i often thought, through all these years, like

"i'll leave this fandom someday"

i've seen people come and go, i've seen people completely delete and vanish and i've tried to mourn the hole they left behind when they went

(tried to, because i'm not good at mourning, i feel... i'm better at coping, at entering survival mode and just pushing through, and hiding the tears for when nobody is looking; i mourn extremely messy and never ending... i mourn any time i title a fic in full lowercase and think of the things icy said back then;

(i mourn when i see pages that will never update again and records of things from years ago — seeing how friends and i were so different back then, less paranoid, perhaps more carefree, less pained by the weight of world; seeing once busy chat rooms fall quiet even though people are still there, seeing people change fandoms... i mourn now even though i'm making a silly pun on a friend's stream chat)

i thought that one day i would be the next one to go, too

because somewhere in this world there are people who can't simply let others enjoy stuff on their corner or people who can't just give you a rejection email like a normal person and have to dodge a block to mock you, there are people out there who can't just say "i dislike this thing" and move on, instead coming up with convoluted excuses for why the thing is bad, while basking in equally messy stuff to what they bash

there are stalkers, there are people who go on your ao3 fic to ask why you blocked them, there are cowards who send people anon hate for months, people who crap comment on bookmarks, bullies who persist for years

there's a lot of bad and i often thought "maybe i'll be the next one to go... but... will someone miss me, when i go?"

the pessimist in me says people would miss me for a while, then forget

maybe eventually someone would be like "where are the prompts for sc/seph weeks?" and i would've been missed for a moment, then forgotten again

surely someone would come up with replacement events, maybe not

it would be okay... perhaps

the world keeps spinning and i'm but a little rock rolling along the river of time, as they say; ultimately, on my own i'm near powerless

i can't fully protect people i admire from their bullies, i can't stop drama bs from happening, i can barely bring myself to be creative quite often because my energy is limited

i can't rewind time and prevent one of my friends from being traumatized for life

surely one day i would be the next one to go; my self-esteem isn't very high, i don't really think of myself as too important

hell i almost died twice before, due to things outside of my control, i think of my own mortality and how fleeting stuff is a lot more than i'm willing to admit

probably someone like me would be the next to go, from fandom i mean, is what i think when i see people stop doing things they loved because others were evil to them

"surely, this time i'll not come back to public with art, it's not like some silly chibis are desired, it's not like my computer is robust enough, i was never given an excuse for why exactly i was rejected from that zine, maybe it was personal bias but maybe just maybe i really should fail, maybe what i do is not enough anyway... maybe if i come back those kinds of people will hunt me down like prey... but hey it's valentine's day, what if i force myself to do something"

it's not like anyone would've cared much, anyway

i could be the next one to go; the remake brought in too many ill intended people and icy was right in leaving, remake changed the climate

but for every single discourse bs that happens, for every no life person who manipulates others, even though there are too many people who have to touch grass

sometimes... sometimes you appreciate a piece of good fan art for 4 years, often going back from time to time to share it with others, looking at it when things feel too hard and the artist comes back to it, redraws it

and you just think "fuck... i need to do something too!!! i've thought of the original so much, i watched from afar for too long, it watered my dying crops over and over and over"

and i do... and i befriend the artist somehow? and there's official material related to the subject matter, and i befriend other people too and fuck, fuck, fuck—

turns out there way more people than i thought into the subject matter too!!! and even more official material coming out after years of just having this one shortish game to go by, the one thing to bring me into the fandom in the first place

and i just think

"i can't leave... i like it here, i hope no one takes this from me, i'll gladly shield people if i have to, i'll throw hands if i have to"

and suddenly, i can't be the next one to go and this post is turning much longer than i expected it to, while i'm bawling my eyes out from being too emotional while watching a stream

and you, reading this, as long as you're an innocent bystander who contributes in some way, even if you just mostly lurk and don't get involved much? you shouldn't go either

the world is a fuck on fire right now, but maybe you make it less so, for someone

maybe you're someone's favorite artist or writer or cosplayer; maybe someone is still waiting on that fic you haven't updated in like 3 years or maybe someone's seeing you go on hiatus and worrying, "will... will i see you again?"

you never know

maybe you'll indeed, move fandoms some day, find another place to lurk in with people you can affectionately call your "favorite losers" or maybe life will get too busy, maybe you need a short break to detox

but while that doesn't happen, please don't go?

please don't go

[cowbot-lumberjane]

WOAGH I got tagged by @elliegoose to do a thingy!

now the tag game was to introduce yourself with:

one tv show

one movie

one album

one video game

I, however, liked that they did two and I am ALSO cute and get to do whatever I want so im gonna do two, too.

TV shows: The Venture Bros. and Hilda

talk about opposite ends of the spectrum, eh? Now Venture Bros. will always come with an asterisk, that being that it's an Adult Swim show that was created in the early 2000s by two white guys. Its comedy, especially in earlier seasons, can be unsavory. I'm a big believer in things being imperfect though. Not every show can live up to every standard, and sometimes you just need to roll your eyes at jokes that were made 10-20 years ago. If you can get past that what you get is an excellent and genuinely fun world full of Spyfi and Superhero parodies with a good story to boot.

Hilda, on the other hand, is a show for younger audiences based on a kids book series that largely has to do with various pieces of Scandinavian folklore. I've watched Hilda all the way through twice, once on my own as it was coming out and then once with my wife, and its just so so so lovely. The colour tones of red blue yellow and white, the delightful music, the adorable cast of characters and creatures, its such a good time. One of the best cozy up and just vibe it out shows imo. In my top 5 for sure.

Movies: Everything, Everywhere, All at once and Wolf Children.

What hasn't been said about EEAAO? It won awards that it damn well deserved, its got a perfect cast, it makes me cry every time I watch it. A compelling story about family and change, and the monumental difficulties that can come with them, as well as how different people survive hardships in their life, all wrapped up in the most batshit thing you've ever seen. Clair De Lune, THE SONG I GOT MY NAME FROM, is the main theme and it makes me tear up every time. In every universe, I would love to do laundry and taxes with you, and watch this movie.

Wolf Children isn't far off from that vein. I consider it to be Studio Chizu's magnum opus and I don't say that lightly. From the presentation and voice cast to the music and gorgeous art used in the movie, not even to MENTION how good the story about family, change, growing up, and letting go is, if you don't cry in the first 30 mins you should evaluate your emotional status. This movie means so much to me, its such a gorgeous story, and more people should know about it. Studio Chizu doesn't have a single miss in my opinion, just lesser and greater movies. Wolf Children is hands down the greatest.

Albums: Get Lonely by The Mountain Goats and No Dogs Allowed by Sidney Gish

What??? Clair's top two isn't DnB or something techno related???? Nah dog, I get sad a lot and have a thing for poetry. Get lonely was an album I listened to in some of the worst years of my adult life. I was 20 living with my family who made me miserable in a state that was (and still is) trying to get rid of people like me, and I had very little things that were mine. Walking around downtown Bartow, Florida, in the two weeks of winter that hell state gets while listening to John Darniel sing about soft agonies while watching my breath dissipate into the air? That was mine, and it always will be. TMG in general is I think my favourite band. The poetry on display in every one of their songs is just, too beautiful for my dumb ass to put in any meaningful way.

No Dogs Allowed was an album I listened to while working a midnight shift job I hated while also living with my family. Its an upbeat, quirky, kind of melancholy romp with songs that bring me back to driving from Bartow to Lakeland hoping I could stop myself from either killing myself or fucking up my friendships, whichever came first. Spoiler alert, I'm still alive. It also reminds me of the last big thing I ever did with my sibling before I left Florida for good, which was go to the Tampa Bay Aquarium with them. Several songs from the album were on the playlist I made for us, and hearing them always makes me want to shoot them a message to see if they're doing okay.

Video Games: Night in the woods and Final Fantasy XIV Online

Night in the woods is very, very near and dear to my heart. I honestly don't know what to say. If you've played it you know how good it is. How well written the story of Mae and her mental health crisis is. How it goes over things like poverty and trying to get by/make a better life. Family struggles that they don't talk to you about, small hometown decay that seeps into your every memory until the place you grew up in looks like a collection of distorted rotting shapes. I play it once a year in the fall, and each time I do its like seeing an old friend again. At the end of everything, hold onto everything.

Final Fantasy XIV Online is a game you can play with your friends. I could go on and on and on about how I have 1300 hours in this game and how I met some good friends on it, and how important it is to me as a piece of writing and a community and an experience. But we'd be here all day. FFXIV was there for me in some very tough times. I met new people, I grew distant from others, I have regrets and joys that I still carry with me. If you can get into it with the right people, the game really is something special. Its something to be shared, its a bustling community with all the edges that come with that, its a world where you can be a 7ft. tall elf with green eyes and white hair, and its a part of me.

As for who I wanna tag: @problematicmilf , @ninefoldrin , @baphomets-hairy-bonkhonagahoogs , @mobileleprechaun , and anyone who sees this and wants to do it too. This was fun! Hope I don't seem too lame lol.

[yourlocal-goodgirl]

10, 11, 17, 24, 26 (hard mode, cant answer with something like "really being into me, attention, etc), 34, 35, 50, 64, 75

oh my god this is gonna be LONG there's no chance anyone is gonna read all of these answers lmao but here we go

10. have you ever been caught masturbating? - nope! not that i'm aware of, at least lol

11. what does your favorite sexy underwear look like? - i have a pair of crotchless panties that are allover black lace, but with a string of pearls riiiight where the crotch would be hehe. feels really nice on

17. a song you'd listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex - fallingforyou by the 1975

24. would you have sex with your best friend? - absolutely not hahah all of my best friends are absolutely GORGEOUS but i am incapable of seeing them that way. they're also all straight lol

26. something that will never fail to get you horny - ooo there's a lot lol.. but the main thing is if a guy i'm interested in tells me i've made him hard or that i turn him on. like if i send pics or something and they tell me how hard i make them i am immediately GONE 🫠 bonus points if they send me pics/videos of their bulge telling me to look at what i've caused. uGSHSJDK need this type of dynamic again fuck lol i miss it

34. a food that you would like to use during a sexual experience - mmm i don't think i'd really like food being involved idk.. i don't like being messy or sticky (unless it's... ya know..) but if i had to choose maybe like a popsicle? something cold

35. worst possible time to get horny - when i'm around family with no way to escape lol

50. how would you feel about taking someone's virginity? - i'm not necessarily opposed to it, but as a virgin myself i'd personally prefer someone who is more experienced who knows what they're doing and can take control and guide me. maybe once i have more experience then i'd be more comfortable taking someone's virginity, but as of right now i imagine my first time with someone who is experienced and confident and willing to teach

64. what is your method of masturbation? - if i have as much time as i want, i start with a dildo, then vibrator, then vibrator + thrusting dildo/sex machine until i cum once or twice, then usually go back to just dildo (because fucking yourself after cumming is quite literally the best feeling ever), then if i get worked up enough again i'll go back in with the vibrator and cum again. most of the time i'm playing with my nipples as well

75. have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? - i haven't actually. if i want to talk to someone i'll usually just dm them lol

if you made it this far, props to you

[idle-soliloquy]

🎶 🛫 When you get this, list 5 songs you like to listen that remind you of Clegan (MOTA) and publish them. Then send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool) (@onyxsboxes so i can add your replies to the playlist) 🛫 🎶 -@c-goldthorn

Oh, damn, let's goo!

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to him I cannot listen to this song now and not think about Bucky after he got shot down over Germany, and went looking for Gale.

Ether Cain is a revelation. But this song specifically, fuck.

What I wouldn't give to be in Church this Sunday Listening to the choir, so heartfelt, all singing God loves you, but not enough to save you So, baby girl, good luck taking care of yourself

So I said fine, 'cause that's how my daddy raised me If they strike once then you just hit 'em twice as hard But in the end, if I bend under the weight that they gave me Then this heart would break and fall as twice as far

These lines will forever remind me of A Kingdom for a Kiss by @swifty-fox.

Pain, pain, pain (delicious pain).

I find it very, very easy to be true I find myself alone when each day is through Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you Because you 're mine, I walk the line

This is so John, breaks my heart each time I listen.

And man, am I the greatest My congratulations All my love and patience All my admiration All the times I've waited For you to want me naked I made it all look painless Man, am I the greatest

I think I might actually start crying.

Will always remind me of Up in Our Bedroom by @steeseman (yep, im crying)

Imagine this scene:

Gale dies at 87.

He wakes up, and he's back at Thorpe Abbots, right at the door to the Officers Club. He walks in... and there's Bucky by the bar, sipping on a glass of whiskey. (Only, Bucky's dead, has been dead for years).

Bucky looks up, sees Gale.

He smiles. "What took you so long?"

On the bar, a glass of ginger ale, waiting for Gale to reach for it. But before he has a chance to do so, or to respond (I'm sorry, I'm so sorry it took so long. God, I've missed you), Bucky takes him by the hand, and leads him to the dance floor.

"I knew you'd dance with me before the night is over."

The band is playing, and they start swaying to the music...

I'll be seeing you In every lovely summer's day In everything that's light and gay I'll always think of you that way

[mrhaitch]

I sent this similar question to Haitch…and you can answer this whenever you’re free…no rush..hope the Haitch household is doing well ^^

Oh god. Okay, I'll do this from left to right (start top left, finish bottom right)

1. Cyrano De Bergerac (1990) - I watch it once a year, usually when I'm struggling.

2. The Death of Staling ("unhand me you rude fucking pies, my father will have you saddled and ridden to Siberia" always cracks me up)

3. Any of the original Indiana Jones trilogy.

4. Casablanca

5. The Act of Killing - seeing a former member of the Indonesian death squads forced to make a film about his own actions stare down the camera, eyes brimming with tears, asking "am I evil?"

6. I can't put Cyrano De Bergerac twice, so probably The Fellowship of the Ring (extended cut)

7. Probably The Producers (the musical remake with Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane)

8. American Hustle

9. Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl doesn't get talked about enough.

10. Almost anything with Leonardo Di bloody Caprio in it.

11. Robin Hood Men in Tights (I know why, it's Mel Brooks. I love Mel Brooks)

12. Hunchback of Notre Dame (the Disney animated one, shut up)

13. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

14. The Grand Budapest Hotel OR Life Itself (the Roger Ebert documentary)

15. This is a hard one - I have a deep affection for Ray from In Bruges (redemption arc, genuine remorse), Greg from Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl (very close to who I was as a teenager), and Tom from Miller's Crossing.

16. The Guillermo Del Toro Hellboy films (the second was the best)

17. Too many to list - a lot of Paul Bettany's back catalogue comes to mind (looking at you Priest)

18. Hereditary - I consider myself a Horror film veteran, but this one caught me off guard. It lives up to the hype, as did Midsommar.

19. Shanghai Knights (loved it as a kid)

20. Burn After Reading (I love a farce, but it tends to be a footnote when people list Coen Brothers films)

21. Pan's Labyrinth

22. Probably The Hunchback of Notre Dame (again)

23. Guillermo Del Toro

24. Stranger than Fiction

I've tried to avoid repeating films as best I can but it's unavoidable, and I am positive I'm missing some of my favourites here but they're just not popping into my head.

And if anyone, anyone at all, wants to fight me on the Hunchback of Notre Dame there won't be enough of you left to bury.